“@shitgirlssay: I'm excited to wear layers again.” @katelyntessm

HOW ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE A FAVOURITE PLAYER FROM THE LATE CALGARY CANNONS?! COME ON!

this cop looks like he wants to race. time to turn up the trash talking.

having a bad hair day; probably gonna skip my court date today too. imagine if a picture of me ended up in the paper. what a nightmare.

The thing I love most about shambhala is that all the idiots leave Calgary for a week.

I'd be pretty angry with @calgarytransit for making my 30 minute trip 1.5 hours, but they saved themselves with air conditioning today.

Cold potatoes and tartar sauce: The breakfast of champions.

@chefgroves i thought it was cool after you emailed me back at smokeweed666slayer420@hotmail.com

debating whether or not to do my whole resume in comic sans to show that i'm a fun-lovin' guy.

@chefgroves you would tell Justin about the face.

It's amazing how people sharing "KONY 2012" on FB can make them feel that they're contributing to a solution. Try harder, "activists".

Sleeping naked when my landlord comes to show off my apartment.
#GarrettProblems
#ThereGoesMyDamageDeposit

This desert hills gewürztraminer literally smells like a barnyard. Not in an intriguing way.
#avoidingforever

@chefscottbeaton @dinosaurarcade ladies night? Nah. Come on, boys, this is OUR night!

@dinosaurarcade cooking with wolfman marathon this morning. them serrated knives are tough!
#fuckindwayne

@dinosaurarcade cut my frog into pieces, this is my lab report!
#paparoach

@chefscottbeaton it's erupting!
#sandstormsuperbowl2012

@mitchthebrave dude, what are you up to tomorrow? i want to show you this new underwear my girlfriend bought me.
#SweetDreamsAreMadeOfThese

@dinosaurarcade "come on, man! that boston cream donut isn't perfect! do it nice or do it twice!"

@dinosaurarcade "You won't hire a window washer in Africa. They don't use windows. They sleep in trees."
"That's not true, they use windows"