Awkward boners shall henceforth be known as "penis glitches"

You happy now? Your vodka bottle is DEAD.

I made me giggle.

What's "sherrif," precious?

There's a shitstorm at work and I'm getting at least a text a minute from Mike's tweets. Trying not to laugh.

The b key on my phone lags a lot, so sometimes I type "hoob."

Disney fairies futa rp.

Madi and Louis keep going back and forth with cute couples and I can only come up with things like "banana to my hammock."

"That ain't no Etch-A-Sketch, homeskillet."

"What if instead of semen there was applesauce?" @wolfmittens

Turns out his sister put aluminum in the microwave.

What is this D&D session coming to?

Avenger LEGOs are the best LEGOs.

Fuck social skills.

~In the midnite hour, she cried, "Flo! Flo! Flo!"~

I...what?

@stephooc If you were a superspy, you'd be Double-oh C.

@uncleduke1969 I don't have favstar bonus features.
But here is a totally sweet trophy for you.  http://miz.hexide.com/2013-04-01_22-32-02.21.png …

If a girl's impaired, "yes" is still "no." Respect that, respect her. Date rape is bad, people.

If I'm drunk and the wind blows my shower curtain you know imma assume that shit's a ghost.