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Whenever someone says, "Got a minute?" I know I've just lost half hour of my life that I won't get back.
The other night I was practicing being sexy in front of the mirror and the cat fell off the bathroom counter, laughing.
Morning meeting about improving communication cancelled because not everyone knew about it.
I wish I could make this up.
Your avi looked innocent enough, but your TL looks like the back alley behind the porn store where the nasty stuff happens.
You know it's time to call it quits when the voices in your head sit you down for an intervention.
Love is having an entire conversation with one look.
It's not gay if you support gay rights.
I tried being a vegan once ... it was the worst lunch of my life.
Q: Why Tweet?
A: Because it makes others happy, and keeps me from going up the bell tower with something with a telescopic sight.
You know you're overdoing it when the drag queen says, "Honey, bring it down a notch."
There's a fine line between "depressed" and "barely contained ball of compressed and suppressed rage."
If you dudes think you have it hard with women, try dating a gay boy who acts like a woman and has all the testosterone of a man.
Yes, I am gay ... but I am not "dressing my pets in Christmas clothes" gay.
Ladies, if we open the door for you, it's not "oppressing the matriarchy." We're just being polite and considerate, as our mama told us.
"Sir, you'll have to change those gym clothes" "Why?" "The other patrons have complained they can see the Hello Kitty jockstrap."
I heard a pretty young thing say, "That's gay." I said, "No, that's stupid. This is gay..." and proceeded to criticize her outfit.
The new receptionist rolls her eyes like a 14-year-old popular girl when someone says something dumb. I like her already.
No matter where you go, there you are ... so you might as well deal with your baggage.
Another day of smiling and nodding and pretending they're intelligent while I fix their stuff behind their backs.
It takes a big man to admit his wrong, and a bigger partner to let him admit it by himself.
I tweet. You tweet. We all tweet. People live. Fair trade.