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Your parents GAVE you an iPad? I had to rake leaves for 6 hrs for a p.o.s. Polly Pocket that my dog ate and never pooped out. I checked.
Peanut butter sandwiches taste better when cut in half. I don't make the rules people.
Moss totally creeps me out. It looks like natures pubic hair.
My irrational behavior is no indication of how I'll be acting 10 minutes from now.
Don't you pass judgement on me McDonald's drive thru worker. Just because I ate the entire cheeseburger before you got my change.
Sorry I can't tweet more. These Sims can't build their own houses. Its like I have to do everything.
Dear mom, I hear babies rip your hootie monster and turn it purple. Hope this card makes up for that.
I now have over 200 followers which means I'm helping waste the day of over 200 people. I could not be prouder/more proud/proudier.
Its not that I hate you, I just really really super wouldn't care if you died a horrible horrible death.
Sanitary shmanitary, just put the doughnut holes directly in my purse as requested and no eye roll this time.
Next time you feel bad about yourself remember this: someone somewhere is making payments on a tater peeler.
Ever feel like you're swimming in a sea of turds just trying to find a few that don't smell?
From the looks of my avi you'd probably think I smell good. Jokes on yoooou.
Sometimes I play Backstreet Boys because I know all the words and I really don't want anyone else coming over here.
Oh, Cheers is on. Time to sing the theme song and turn the channel.
Psst- I know when you call me artsy you mean weird.
What if Jonathan Taylor Thomas is stuck in a desk drawer somewhere and we don't even know?
Accidentally hit "send all drafts" causing an immediate panic attack and the realization that I care what you think and now I hate myself.
Know who doesn't look stupid making duck faces? Ducks. Know who just put duck poop in your mailbox? Me.
Cats don't pee The rabbit done died Somethin' somethin' somethin' Baby you can have whatever you like (what its like listening to rap w/me)
You know that feeling when you step in gum? I'm kind of like that...