I bet that in the future the first state to vote for a libertarian president will be Texas.

I don't think I'll ever get used to the disappointment of opening a bag of chips and seeing that it's only 1/3 chip and 2/3 air

From the sounds coming from my fridge, I can only reason that there is a midget in there peeing.

I was just told that I'm one of someone's favorite people... Ever. And I didn't even have to sleep with them. #ComplimentOfTheDay

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream." - Edgar Allan Poe, the originator of inception?

So this is happening. #dallas #tornado #downtown  https://vine.co/v/bEihbw3Di3e 

Downing my second cup of coffee, going to get a third. It's about to be the weekend beetches! #wakeup

We're ready for our #puppy! #goldendoodle #love #toys #dogbooties  http://instagram.com/p/X4-K6KIAaK/ 

OMG I FORGOT TO PUT ON PANTS TODAY!!! Just kidding; made you look!!

I can say f*ck and I can eat ice cream sandwiches before dinner! Know why!? BECAUSE IM AN ADULT!!!

The issue isn't that the computer is a PC; the issue simply is it isn't a Mac.

Aside Then Onward  http://wp.me/p12deb-ou 

Guys... I'm 26 and just snuck into a movie for the first time in my life. Also, I'm drinking a beer. I'm living crazy right now.

So twitter gets pretty boring after 1am. You guys need to kick it up a notch. Seriously.

Just remember guys: it's No Shave November, not No Trim November. Keep it clean, boys.

Our @flyfrontier flight was supposed to leave at 6, still waiting to board #nevahold

We are sitting, waiting for answers at a gate while watching our flight crew walk away. Answers would be great . @flyfrontier @frontiercare

So there's a girl with leopard print tattoo in her face. I just want to know what her life aspirations are.

My thoughts exactly // “@gifhumor: The thought of Lebron James winning the #NBAfinals tonight. http://t.co/48cNTML8”

Open fruit snack pouch. All orange and lemon. #FruitSnackManufactureFail