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  • GeniusAquarius1
      VAL @GeniusAquarius1

    Screaming, "I love you! Don't leave me!" at the cat this morning may have been the lowest point in my life

    • 139
    • FAVS
    VicMaundrellBarbiturateCatTofutartMrWordsWorthFeliciovsAdrianamenji___tnylgntollehaus
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    VicMaundrellflynnrita149minealone6Adrianamenji___danieldavid1968flowerlavafavstar1000favsBlue_Crab_7
  • GeniusAquarius1
      VAL @GeniusAquarius1

    Sometimes you don't need a friend to find the brightside of a bad situation.Sometimes you just want them to acknowledge that you're fucked.

    • 94
    • FAVS
    FeliciovstnylgntollehausSerialFuckupJimmyTheThingmikeym00nmickeybruce25_Gargoyle
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    headachepughVanHogTrioshanetheveinBlue_Crab_7Favstar500FavssunnysbunsBlue_Crab
    AngelaHelga
  • GeniusAquarius1
      VAL @GeniusAquarius1

    I want to buy a storage unit, fill it with disturbing things, stop paying the bill, & watch the media frenzy.

    • 66
    • FAVS
    FeliciovsderekasaurustnylgnJimmyTheThingmikeym00ninsomniabardmickeybruce25_Gargoyle
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsdaveisdynamicGroovylocksluciddream1______longrider_44cal__BrandybroznyYogiFuckingBear__shariv67
    Blue_Crab
  • GeniusAquarius1
      VAL @GeniusAquarius1

    I forgot how much 12 year old boys liked boobies till I had to teach 5 of them how to dance today....

    • 65
    • FAVS
    PohciferFeliciovstnylgnJimmyTheThingmickeybruce25_GargoylethweetsScenicSouvenirs
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsSwineheartyourmelody1mytweecwetlife____DaddyGrimm____
  • GeniusAquarius1
      VAL @GeniusAquarius1

    I wish Robert would go Downey on my Jr.

    • 60
    • FAVS
    FeliciovsderekasaurustnylgnJimmyTheThingStephenBCramerMommyNeedsANapOldGloryTeesRneeErneNree
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    aleja_RDJRXabyata__________Favstar500Favsyourmelody1mytweecwetlife____goldipants________ixSEANxiBlue_Crab
    Blue_Crab
  • GeniusAquarius1
      VAL @GeniusAquarius1

    "Never mumble some sarcastic shit to somebody who can obviously fuck you up" -- @finallevel

    • 12
    • FAVS
    FeliciovsderekasaurusJimmyTheThingSandersKenBlue_CrabHollywoodHighdjose602favstar_pop
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    fyacovielloswitchbladenoirBeShiekMsFuckingRogueNighthawk_XMissAvEngedMsLeilaMarieCommonTense
  • GeniusAquarius1
      VAL @GeniusAquarius1

    Dear cats,
    Please stop shitting in the bathtub.
    Sincerely,
    The People That Fucking Feed You

    • 57
    • FAVS
    PohciferFeliciovsderekasaurustnylgnJimmyTheThingjennslynSardonicAnthonyape_geek
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    WanderingLeoMethmaid__________Favstar500Favsmarimaricomcastmickeybruce25
  • GeniusAquarius1
      VAL @GeniusAquarius1

    Yesterday my BFF made a dumb joke about watching my purse and I told her it was too stupid to post. Today, it's on the leaderboard. FML

    • 40
    • FAVS
    Feliciovsmikeym00nGuy_Howdymickeybruce25thweetsStephenBCramerredpawn3RebeccaLucente
  • GeniusAquarius1
      VAL @GeniusAquarius1

    Every Christmas I get horribly sick. I think I'm allergic to Jesus

    • 33
    • FAVS
    Feliciovszombotthweetslonely_1968StephenBCramermytweecwetlife____DavidsAlterEgocontrol_zed
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    JustinJoLovatotechoratiAlanB0456Blue_Crab
    Blue_Crab
  • GeniusAquarius1
      VAL @GeniusAquarius1

    I'm tweeting that #3wordsaftersex

    • 37
    • FAVS
    FeliciovsGuy_Howdymickeybruce25StephenBCramerMommyNeedsANapmytweecwetlife____RyanJJohnBedheadBunny
  • GeniusAquarius1
      VAL @GeniusAquarius1

    I'm the only girl at the pool not reading a Twilight book. Related: I'm the hottest girl at the pool

    • 36
    • FAVS
    FeliciovsLaurenRPGuy_Howdymickeybruce25ScenicSouvenirsStephenBCramerMommyNeedsANapolvera_m
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Guy_Howdy
  • GeniusAquarius1
      VAL @GeniusAquarius1

    I just learned that I can clap with my boobs

    • 32
    • FAVS
    FeliciovszombotGuy_HowdythweetsStephenBCramerJimboleemMommyNeedsANapmytweecwetlife____
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_popBlue_CrabDoucheMcBaggusMoodySunflower
  • GeniusAquarius1
      VAL @GeniusAquarius1

    Take me to your leaderboard....

    • 33
    • FAVS
    FeliciovsthweetsStephenBCramerMommyNeedsANapolvera_mmytweecwetlife____Islander_DI______RneeErneNree
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    FeliciovsixSEANxiDeronH____________
  • GeniusAquarius1
      VAL @GeniusAquarius1

    You bitches need to fave more of my tweets #shamelessplug

    • 36
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerolvera_mredpawn3RebeccaLucentemytweecwetlife____ixSEANxishanetheveinDirtyBlaxican
  • GeniusAquarius1
      VAL @GeniusAquarius1

    You know a movie is going to be good when a woman pulls a phone out of her vagina within the first three minutes.

    • 30
    • FAVS
    FeliciovszombotGuy_HowdythweetsStephenBCramerolvera_mDavidsAlterEgoHosebead____
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    UNCLEMIKETWEETSmikeym00nDirtyBlaxicanjustender
  • GeniusAquarius1
      VAL @GeniusAquarius1

    I'm tired of talking about sex on twitter...let's talk about something else......JK!

    • 26
    • FAVS
    Guy_HowdyStephenBCramerixSEANxiDeronH____________DirtyBlaxicanp3nirvana68________nabhere
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    DeronH____________
  • GeniusAquarius1
      VAL @GeniusAquarius1

    Husband just elbowed me in the forehead for no reason....





    Ok, so maybe I bit him


    But it still hurts

    • 23
    • FAVS
    FeliciovsGuy_Howdymickeybruce25alrightbobStephenBCramerThatsAFakeLaugh__HiHighHigherChicana_Chic
    Blue_Crab
  • GeniusAquarius1
      VAL @GeniusAquarius1

    Grant: Your cat smells good. Smells like Chinese food or something.

    • 22
    • FAVS
    FeliciovsStephenBCramerixSEANxiJustVoice1ThatsAFakeLaugh__anjeanettecshanetheveinParanoidDaniel____
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Blue_Crab
    Blue_Crab
  • GeniusAquarius1
      VAL @GeniusAquarius1

    My husband came up with this:"The snakes in Spain stay mainly on a plane."~Samuel L. Jackson as Professor Higgins in "My Motherfuckin' Lady"

    • 23
    • FAVS
    Guy_HowdyStephenBCramerMommyNeedsANapixSEANxiUNCLEMIKETWEETSDirtyBlaxicanTheDLCapodixis
  • GeniusAquarius1
      VAL @GeniusAquarius1

    This whole day I've been thinking that Jimmy Dean died of a disease called "vuvuzela"

    • 22
    • FAVS
    FeliciovsGuy_HowdyStephenBCramerMystique1975ixSEANxiDirtyBlaxicannabhereJuarezAfterDark
@GeniusAquarius1

@GeniusAquarius1

I can't be summed up in one line