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Remember ladies. It goes from Twitter to Kik to Voxer to cell phone number to address to being dismembered in a motel bathtub.
Canada: The America nobody hates
I like big butts, but I'll lie about it should the need arise. I don't have Mix-a-lot's level of conviction.
Regardless of what YOU think, your grandkids are going to look at gay marriage the way WE look at separate drinking fountains.
I thought Twitter made me unfollow you... Turns out, you blocked me.
We'll continue this discussion in the parking lot at your job
In Europe, they aren't uptight about sexuality & the human body. In America, I'm not allowed in the park anymore.
I couldnt 'Bring Sexy Back' with shock paddles, smelling salts and a dozen vatican priests
Sure, I'm married. But I'm not all fanatical about it.
Women on twitter smash the "Girls aren't funny" stereotype at least 60 times a minute. I love you fuckin' whores! <3
Everyone interesting I follow is either drunk, or gay, or a broken toy, or just plain mad. No coincidence we washed up on the beach together
My nephew is 27 & still lives home. By the time I was his age, I'd been thru 2 marriages, 3 windshields & 4 abortions.
If you have a cat, aim a laser pointer at your sleeping spouse's cheek. Nothing says 'rise & shine' like puncture wounds
Don't waste months or even years of your life wondering if it is or isn't.
True love will club you both like a fucking baby seal
Your phone has buttons? Aww, that's cute!
Another day, another opportunity to fly off the handle & alienate friends & family.
PLEASE tell me that shit in the mirror isn't accurate.
I'm pro marijuana reform & gay marriage, and I smoke neither weed nor cocks.
Just one of those antiquated weirdos who believes in liberty.
When life hands you scurvy, you'll WISH you had those lemons you were bitching about before.
Sure you Canadians are polite, but your geese are nasty, hissing cunts.
I'm a great person to tell secrets to 'cause I'm usually 1/4 listening and I kinda don't give a fuck who got an abortion on Christmas Eve.