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Marriage equality AND marijuana laws passed? Now we know what Leviticus really meant by "A man who layeth with another man must be stoned."
Kim Kardashian files for divorce after 72 days. Another example of how same-sex marriage is destroying the sanctity of the very institution.
Schwarzenegger confesses to fathering baby with house staff member, but explains that child is destined to bring down SkyNet in 2031.
The Hunger Games opens to eye-popping numbers. Finally, a girl fighting for her life & justice, not whining over her sparkly vamp boyfriend.
TN bill will prevent teachers from using the word "gay" in class. In response, I'm lending them my name: "It's okay to be Takei."
Pot legalized in two states, and the maker of Twinkies shutters its doors? Now that's IRONY.
Irony: Gov. Schwarzenegger vetoed same-sex marriage bills twice to protect sanctity of marriage. #HastaLaTrystaBaby
Today's Rapture postponed as Jesus awaits announcement of surprise guest on final Oprah. Savior "hopeful" but "okay with it" if not picked.
Rick Santorum suspends his campaign, ending his bid for the White House. In other news, Luke Skywalker destroyed the Death Star.
Lincoln & the final Twilight opened same week. One concerns a dark chapter in history we must never repeat. The other's about a president.
Overheard: "That tingly sensation when you really like someone? That is common sense, leaving your body."
Overheard: Wanna freak out your neighbors? Name your WiFi "FBI Surveillance Van."
7 students arrested for taking SAT for others, using fake IDs. At Star Fleet Academy, we made cheaters wear red shirts on away missions.
Clint Eastwood's RNC speech was to imaginary Obama in an empty chair. I'm drafting a DNC speech to imaginary Romney in an empty factory.
Live action of anime classic Akira will use white actors. In related news, remake of Roots to star Mel Gibson. #ShameOnWB
I heard Lincoln was shot on location.
Donald Trump bows out of presidential race, citing inability to prove he wasn't born a douchebag.