Saying women who dress provocatively are asking to be raped is like saying men in suits are asking to be robbed.

If a transvesite goes missing, would you put their face on a carton of Half and Half?

If you're genuinely shocked that there is genocide going on in Africa, and it took a Youtube video fad to grab your attention. Kill yourself

Marrying your high school sweetheart is like kicking a field goal on first down.

Yelling 'FREEBIRD!' after the first 3 songs will get you kicked out of church.

Does this mean we can start taking box cutters back on flights?

Wearing a blazer over your Ed Hardy shirt ups your douche-y-ness by a factor of three John Mayers.

Sweat is just fat crying.

If you don't watch the news you're uninformed; if you watch the news you're misinformed.

Is this how black people felt when Michael Jackson died?

Ironic that the colors red,white, and blue stand for freedom until they're flashing behind you.

I'm gonna marry the first woman I meet who figures out that mouths aren't for talking.

Why do bitches think chivalry is dead?

I snuck a bunch of booze into work today using my stomach.

There's no 'i' in volunteer. There is a 'u' though, so go ahead.

If your clothing size has more x's in it than the porn you watch, you might be obese.

Funny how you can go from loving someone's face to hating it in a matter of minutes.

Dubstep sounds like a transformer getting gang raped.

That's funny, I don't remember eating blood or diarrhea.

Guns don't kill people. People with mustaches kill people.