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Got in trouble at the zoo where I work for lining all the squirrels up in order of height... They don't like me critter sizing.
Been on the phone for ages trying to book tickets for an Elvis tribute act but it keeps asking me to press 1 for the money 2 for the show...
I never tire of putting a humidifier and a de-humidifier in the same room just to see which one'll win.
Asked my tailor what this 'husband material' is that I hear speak of.
Had an idea for an archery-themed game show but not sure who the target audience would be.
Just bought a dog from our village blacksmith. As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door.
Just got home. So much snow on my head I look like the 'Before' picture in a dandruff treatment commercial.
If any of you out there are sitting wondering which of the popes had the best name ever, I think I can help: Pope Hilarius (5th Century)
Someone's just thrown a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me. Don't worry, I only received super fish oil injuries.
This removal firm's van has "We'll shift anything!" on it. I wonder if they do paradigms.
I just lost in this local Trampolining Competition. But I'll bounce back.
Do peanuts have a 'shell-by date'? *sorry!* *don't worry, I'll see myself out*
I was introduced to a plastic surgeon today. Was a bit worried though as he was stood right next to a heater.
#medievalsongs Come on baby, fight my squire
Promised I'd do a Usain Bolt 'lightning' celebration every time one of my tweets is favourited. Getting on this packed commuter train now...
Naval Academy #bodypartmovies
Polymath, dilettante, learning technologist (Blackboard, Moodle, Campus Pack) librarian.