Take a pitcher. It'll last longer. #beer

you're just a neon sign in the middle of the desert. How the fuck do you love me? pic.twitter.com/sd7h4q9M1I

@dannyzuker @andyrichter please change your twitter bio to “so many flops”

Mumford & Sons & Coldplay got into a fight & guess who won? Green tea & gluten-free crackers!

Tour sponsor.  http://instagram.com/p/ZvYFU0Kswc/ 

@gerryduggan I squeezed in ALL the letters for you. ;)

@gerryduggan Permaboner.

when you spend half a road trip wondering what a former coworker’s dick looks like, that’s a good road trip

@aimeemann @jakefogelnest @andylevy @gerryduggan @pajamabenladen The last screen shot of it is yellow and damaged from lack of preservation

@andylevy @aimeemann @gerryduggan @pajamabenladen @marykoco Hi #NoAndy #NeverAndy #GoesWithoutSayingNoAndy #HiAimee

@gerryduggan @pajamabenladen @andylevy Oh, hey man. I love your old cable boxes. pic.twitter.com/YQuxlLO0gE

@andylevy @gerryduggan not as much trouble as @realdonaldtrump is having with @dannyzuker's lol

@andylevy @gerryduggan i'm rubber and you're glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and you are a horrible man.

@andylevy @gerryduggan andy you should embrace the "shut down" feature of your computer.

@gerryduggan i say embrace the hard g lifestyle

@gerryduggan hey just wanted to let u know i pronounce ur name with a hard g

@gerryduggan also: making a pile of filthy one dollar bills and coins!!!

every time the Man of Steel trailer comes on TV my heart does a kegel

Would be nice if we could get Donald Trump on a cicada cycle

.. @dannyzuker & @realdonaldtrump twitter war is like Princess Bride scene where Vizzini (Trump) thinks he's outwitting Wesley w/the poison.