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Saw a homeless guy this mornin' he said, "Any change?" Me, "Nope, you're still cold and homeless." We laughed & laughed & he stabbed me.
New condom slogan...
Wrap it in latex or she's gonna get your paychecks.
I could tell by the look on the lady's face in the stall next to me.. that it wasn't the right time to play Peek-a-Boo.
"You're ugly and you're a cunt."
I think that's the last time my coworker asks me how she looks.
I don't normally drink alcohol, but when I do.. it's weed. :)
I hate to sound racist but.. all of your baby ultrasounds look the same.
It's called dignity, sweetie.. and you're not gonna find it on your knees in the men's room.
Please stop makin' the strings on your tampons so long. It's my fuckin' period.. not a visit from Tarzan!
I've done so many kegels in my 42 years that.. I can now shift my car with my vagina.
Hello, fellas! :)
No girl is ever out of your league.. you just have to learn how to play the game, silly.
Jessica Simpson said today her boobs are too big for running.. maybe she should try using her fuckin' feet, stupid bitch.
Just found a bag of weed in the elevator.
Looks like someone's gonna have a bad day. And guess what? It ain't fuckin' me! Giggity!
Sometimes you just have to say.. fuck it, or fuck me, or fuck you, or fuck off.
Whatever the fuck works for ya, really.
Guys, if there's ever a doubt just look at her feet. If they're gnarly and look like eagle talons.. chances are, her pussy's not so fresh.
I like my men like I like my milkshakes...
thick and down my throat. :)
Honestly.. who doesn't like their asshole licked?
Seriously.. they never even mentioned it in sex ed, so it makes it ok to like it.
Ok YouPorn, I'm flippin' a coin.. heads it's dicks, tails it's chicks.
My son forgot to hide his stash and his bong. Silly boy.. you know mama's gonna road test that shit. :)
Although it's been said many times, many ways.. fuck you never gets old. ;)
When I'm alone I scream at the top of my lungs "WHAT'S GOIN ON?" and the 4 non blondes down the hall yell "Shutthefuckup cunt!" And we laugh
Take another lick, bitch.. this is what awesome tastes like.