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Saw a homeless guy this mornin' he said, "Any change?" Me, "Nope, you're still cold and homeless." We laughed & laughed & he stabbed me.
New condom slogan...
Wrap it in latex or she's gonna get your paychecks.
I could tell by the look on the lady's face in the stall next to me.. that it wasn't the right time to play Peek-a-Boo.
"You're ugly and you're a cunt."
I think that's the last time my coworker asks me how she looks.
I hate to sound racist but.. all of your baby ultrasounds look the same.
It's called dignity, sweetie.. and you're not gonna find it on your knees in the men's room.
No girl is ever out of your league.. you just have to learn how to play the game, silly.
I don't normally drink alcohol, but when I do.. it's weed. :)
Please stop makin' the strings on your tampons so long. It's my fuckin' period.. not a visit from Tarzan!
I've done so many kegels in my 42 years that.. I can now shift my car with my vagina.
Hello, fellas! :)
Jessica Simpson said today her boobs are too big for running.. maybe she should try using her fuckin' feet, stupid bitch.
Sometimes you just have to say.. fuck it, or fuck me, or fuck you, or fuck off.
Whatever the fuck works for ya, really.
Just found a bag of weed in the elevator.
Looks like someone's gonna have a bad day. And guess what? It ain't fuckin' me! Giggity!
I like my men like I like my milkshakes...
thick and down my throat. :)
Guys, if there's ever a doubt just look at her feet. If they're gnarly and look like eagle talons.. chances are, her pussy's not so fresh.
Honestly.. who doesn't like their asshole licked?
Seriously.. they never even mentioned it in sex ed, so it makes it ok to like it.
If I die at Walmart.. please drag my body to Target before calling 911.
Ok YouPorn, I'm flippin' a coin.. heads it's dicks, tails it's chicks.
My son forgot to hide his stash and his bong. Silly boy.. you know mama's gonna road test that shit. :)
Although it's been said many times, many ways.. fuck you never gets old. ;)
Take another lick, bitch.. this is what awesome tastes like.