This is me, tweeting about how much I hate wall-mart, from inside a wall-mart, saving money like a motherfucker.

Canada- hot women, always cold, friendly people, pronounce "about" aboot, ride around on moose. Mike meyers is thier king.

"Sweet Prius"- said no one, ever.

Im so full, Mr. T pitys me.

Twittercide, to me is walking off of a cliff or into traffic, because your too busy reading/posting tweets from your phone.

I take solice in knowing, that the sun will one day explode.

Whenever I see a child hug his mom, I think to myself, "nice, that kid just hit second base.

It always sounds pretentious when you call yourself smart, even if you are.

Just had McDonalds for the first time in like, three years, and instantly remembered why I don't eat there.

Holy Shit! A talking egg.

Canadians are adorable. Have you seen thier money? It looks like a group of mexicans were playing a game of monopoly for keeps.

I'm gonna call it "Epitaph Pizza". What do you want on your Epitaph?

Fun with punctuation. Example: Domestic abuse isnt that funny VS. Domestic abuse, isnt that funny?

Some drunk asshole bit me the other night. So now whenever the moon is full and I'm drunk enough, I myself turn into a asshole. #Wereasshole

I bet bloods hate crips so much because they take up good parking spots.

Now that osama bin laden is dead, we have no one to blame all of our problems on.

"Yo that shits stalactite." Said the geologist who's never gotten laid.

The only thing worse than being in a wall-mart, is being in a McDonalds inside of a wall-mart.

Obvious signs you've given up... You wear pajama bottoms everywhere.

Do you think Usher gets laid a lot?