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As many times a day as I tell people to 'eat me', I only mean it when I say it to you.
If you've written 8 tweets about giving no fucks,
I count that as giving 8 fucks.
Tonight I'm not drinking alcohol
....I'll see myself out
I'm selling 2 tickets to poundtown...
My wife doesn't want to go
So my sidekick says to me "up the bum no babies"...
So that's what I'm dealing with
My TC keeps falling asleep on me. It's like we're already married.
How's everybody doing? Good? Good.
I want to cover you in queso and start licking.
People will like you better if you just don't.
Thank fuck some chicks love moobs
If you ever see me at the gym, please help me. I'm being held hostage.
Seeing as I managed to dress like a human trash can, let's take as many pictures today as we humanly can!
"Niles dont you think its weird you have so many male friends?"
Did nobody tell you the secret?!?
Im not 6yrs old
I answered the officer with "Okie dokie, artichokie" and now he's taking my drivers license away.
Her : I washed my pussy today, come eat me...
Me : Hahahaha April Fools, not falling for that one again..
Boss said he's going to double my salary and my wife told me to bring someone home for a threesome tonight. April 1st must be my lucky day!
Nookie, Cookie, Samsies.
Rode a horse once. Broke it. Potato used to be spelled with an N in it. IG, KIK, Snap: GinRumMe
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