Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
"Need to retire to my secret lair. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!"
[Walks backward and disappears into his closet]
"I still see you"
My fantasy Baseball team
1st Base: Squirrel
short, 3rd: Squirrels
outfield: three Squirrels
Make the best of any bad situation by getting drunk
Sex so good she destroys the restraining order
Come over here and sit on my dick, woman
I'm not stalking you, I'm protecting you.
I should probably do some housework before they try to film the next Febreeze commercial here.
Get off your fucking phone and let me take your fucking order!
Pour some sugar on me! OK...now pour some cereal and milk on me. This is starting to get interesting.
Handing out Sex Ed pamphlets and condoms to all the teens dressed like sluts this Halloween.
Piss on a bunch of Wednesday.
Life Hack: Don't be a greasy mother fucker.
A lady just told me I have it going on wearing my cute little jeans. I have that going for me.
Pro tip: remember that your second daily coffee should contain more booze than caffeine and your third-
Forget it, just give me the bottle
I'm afraid I've become immune to your ways, coffee.
Hey people who don't check the backseat when they get in their car at night, what's it like to be fearless?
- me to everything
Before hitting it big in physics Albert Einstein struggled for years trying to make it as a rapper under the name MC Squared
You are only a true American white girl if you put your foot on the sink when taking a bathroom mirror selfie
I rode a horse once and broke it. Potato used to have an N in its spelling. IG, KIK, Snap: GinRumMe