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I'm way too young to be this wore out.
Skidding along on your face doesn't hurt as badly as you'd think
I need to be in an alcohol induced state of mind.
I wish anyone wanted me back as much as Netflix does.
Allow me to put on something more comfortable. *removes pants*
Directions: Shake Well
I still don't understand what a "bad" touch is.
When I said I wanted a threesome, I meant a s'mores
Statistically speaking, you're more likely to die in a car accident on the way to the ER than you are from the massive internal hemorrhaging
Ran into the yarn store the last 15 min b4 they closed like my life depended on obtaining $38 of yarn...
I'm the kind of special that took 2 days to realize my watch battery had run out
-Rolls your vagina in it
Hope my date appreciates the 10 panic sit-ups I'll do right before he picks me up.
girls named Melissa are born with a full pony tail and a starting position on the rugby team of their choice
Every time you trip a jogger an angel gets its wings
Never let life get in the way of YOUR LIFE.
The best advice my nana ever gave me was to stand up & get crunk.
I rode a horse once and broke it. Potato used to have an N in its spelling. IG, KIK, Snap: GinRumMe