Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I don't have a pretty face or substantial tweets, so Im sure the only reason you all follow me is for the shit show that is bound to happen.
The year is 2089. Toasters are made clear now and no one burns toast or bagels. Crime is at 0%
I see your thigh gap, and I raise you the fact that I manage to get laid without having one.
(No one is more surprised than I am.)
Anxiety is your brain reminding you that you suck at everything.
Accounts brag about who follows them like we're trading cards!
WE'RE PEOPLE NOT... ok we're imaginary people but still!
Omg! I would love to babysit your twins, Spic and Span or whatever the fuck their names are.
* shakes fist at things*
Sometimes I have to remind myself of who I am, it's a good thing I have you to remind me when I need it.
I'm white but not "works on my car in the auto parts store parking lot" white...
Stop tweeting like a damned pervert!
What are you? Retweeted?
How much for all these test subjects for my study on unhealthy eating?
Sir, this is a Denny's...
If we don't start a hashtag, we'll never stop the Ebola virus!
I'm an alcoholic & I'm looking for a sponsor. I'll mention you regularly in my tweets.
Do we have a deal, Grey Goose?
*Builds a pillow fort*
*Fucks you inside it*
It's so annoying when I ask the barista for an extra shot & they add espresso instead of vodka.
I rode a horse once and broke it. Potato used to have an N in its spelling. IG, KIK, Snap: GinRumMe