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I never make dates awkward. Just ignore my gorilla costume.
My only regret is that I didn't make you my ex sooner.
Need to start keeping track of how many 70+ men ask me out on a daily. It's pretty impressive if I do say so myself.
My vagina is a lot like life.
It's messy as hell and no man gets out alive.
Let us sulk like we've never sulked before.
My inner child took her ball and went home. Fuck that bitch
I'm at my highest level of anxiety when I'm at USPS trying to pick a box size.
Trust exercise: let someone else put your mascara on
[9 running in the room]
9: Mom, guess what today is!!
Me:*goes on rant about my labour with him for 20 mins*
Me: Happy Birthday baby...
Ya gotta love this bacon-fueled, cat machine known as the internet!
Have a lovely evening folks and do something sticky.
People get excited about ‘fairy dust’ without really understanding what it does to you.
It causes cancer.
My dog says I have to go to bed now.
Being blocked by association is my favorite way to be blocked.
Him- You're pretty.
Me- Thanks, I pick at dead skin on my feet when I'm anxious.
Me- I don't get out much.
‘So… what the fuck?’
Which aisle do they keep the breakfast vodka in?
Crap. It's Muesday tomorrow.
A "McFlurry" is a term to describe what happens when you're getting motorboated in McDonalds.
Twitter: Where terminally bored hot moms go for validation and an astronomical follow count.
Just a guy lookin' at you lookin' at him - Recent Tweets: http://twitter.com/search/from:ginrumme - IG: GinRumMe
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