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I stayed up till midnight and woke up at 9. Livin la vida loca.
Which came first, the alcohol or the crush?
It's ok, it's just medicinal wine.
I told him I like a big vocabulary and now he won't stop using 72pt font.
I'm too old to argue with anyone under 21.
You know how you feel when you've told someone something you shouldn't have?
Yeah well that's basically my entire life
This porn isn't turning me on at all.
- me, drunk, watching Bedknobs and Broomsticks.
You are such an asshole. Here's my number.
was about to fight this guy who had a tattoo of a cross on his arm and thought "man, I can't hit someone with the love of Christ in them"
My shirt is salmon said the dork
I'm in Iceland.
ME: OMG u must be freezing!
No, that's Greenland
ME: So you're in Greenland?
Someone needs to tell Paddington Bear to take off those yellow galoshes. It's not even raining. He looks like an idiot.
Interviewer: So what appeals to you about this job?
Me: Well, I'm a huge fan of shelter, food and clothing.
People only use 10% of their brains. That's why the imminent zombie invasion is nine-tenths less bad than you think.
*Gets stomach flu
Subtweet me into oblivion.
I want to squish into a box at ups with "return to sender" label on it and see where I end up.
It's been one of those days i had hoped to never see.
Are you there, God? It's me, a narcissistic jerk who thinks he can talk to God.
I really would like to know the back stories to people who hate each other on here.
Just a guy lookin' at you lookin' at him _ Recent Tweets: http://twitter.com/search/from:gi… _ IG/Kik/Snap: GinRumMe _ FB: http://facebook.com/ginrumme
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