People who are stingy with retweets probably don't give oral either.

Redheads do have feelings! They consist of "I wanna fuck the shit out of you horny" and "I'll fucking kill you angry".

If you think Twitter's a good place to meet a romantic interest,you might also wanna try: jail, mental institutes, rehab, hospitals & church

Alcohol: Helping people accidentally expose their crazy way before they intend to.

It should be illegal for people to show up at your house unexpected.

Ladies, if a guy doesn't hold the door open for you, it means you need to get your ass to the gym.

If you abuse your children, please go kill yourself cuz you're a piece of shit.

Why is it that the second you step into the shower, you instantly become an awesome tweet generator, until the moment you step out?

Oh, fuck it. I'm just gonna do what I wanna do and if I get hurt, so fucking be it.

Ladies,men will always check out other women, accept it and chill the fuck out. Ya'll act like you don't do the same damn thing, hypocrites!

The scariest moment in the mother fucking world, is when you feel a drop of liquid falling off of your frozen heart.

If you want me to shut the fuck up, you're gonna have to stick your cock in my mouth.

Somedays, all I wanna do is eat and masturbate.

Sarcasm- Because there really are some idiots out there that just don't get it.

I attract 2 types of men: the ones who will worship me and do whatever I tell them to, and the ones that will make me their little bitch. ;)

Who needs enemies when you can destroy all your happiness on your own?

Can someone please shove a cupcake in my fucking mouth?!

I think my parents should've given me more drugs and less hugs while growing up. The bastards.

The only problem with big dicked guys, is that they really believe a big cock is all it takes to please a woman. False. Oral, motherfuckers!

My son asked for bacon for his birthday breakfast tomorrow. Twitter must be proud of me as a parent right now!