Meow

it's only okay to fuck with people on Twitter if it's for your own selfish cunt reasons not because it's hilarious guys *licks pen*

I've done a lot of shit I'm not proud of, but that doesn't stop me from telling the stories with extreme enthusiasm.

This tag on my panties has been tickling my ass all morning, I was gonna cut it off but I'm lonely

I'm in love I should have gotten his phone number

People say Sucks Ass like it's a bad thing seriously have you ever had your ass sucked? It's fucking amazing!

The hardest part of changing is how everything else stays the same

Tweet more about your boring ass job I'm super interested in that shit bro

I just coughed so hard my dick came untaped from my thigh. How's your night, pretty good?

I feel fat today. I'm going to change my avi back to 1998 when I was thin and had a friend to take a pic of me.

Whoever thought of making breakfast in bed? How the hell do you cook bacon in here?

Oh hi I've heard so much about you I feel like I hate you already

Your tweets can suck my tweets dick

Why is that Asian kid from the Goonies so pissed at us?

Safe words are for pussies! Fuck me till I tap out!

I want my first urine of the day to happen on your face.

Whatever doesn't kill you just makes your drinks stronger

I don't even have to drink to be an asshole it's more of a reflex

I bought a 44 just to see what it tastes like.

I'm going to take your head off, put it on my shelf and take shits in it when company comes over.