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I don't love anyone enough to lie to them
There's a special place in my heart for you and I'm slowly killing it with pills and alcohol
I've done a lot of shit I'm not proud of, but that doesn't stop me from telling the stories with extreme enthusiasm.
Safe words are for pussies! Fuck me till I tap out!
So Alcoholics Anonymous isn't when you rotate which days and liquor stores you go to so no one finds out what a drunk you are?
Ironically its exactly 12 steps from my car to the liquor store
Sit down sweetie I have to tell you something. Ya see kiddo us drunk sick fucks.. Well we don't really givva fuck about our "reputation"LOL
Dent my tuna can and I'll give you a discount
If you can take a dick in the ass you should be able to take a joke
it's only okay to fuck with people on Twitter if it's for your own selfish cunt reasons not because it's hilarious guys *licks pen*
This tag on my panties has been tickling my ass all morning, I was gonna cut it off but I'm lonely
I'm in love I should have gotten his phone number
People say Sucks Ass like it's a bad thing seriously have you ever had your ass sucked? It's fucking amazing!
The hardest part of changing is how everything else stays the same
Tweet more about your boring ass job I'm super interested in that shit bro
I just coughed so hard my dick came untaped from my thigh. How's your night, pretty good?
I feel fat today. I'm going to change my avi back to 1998 when I was thin and had a friend to take a pic of me.
Whoever thought of making breakfast in bed? How the hell do you cook bacon in here?
Oh hi I've heard so much about you I feel like I hate you already