@Girl11Eleven's (Girl11) most faved Tweets...
There are 86,400 seconds in a day. It takes 1.4 seconds to say 'thank you' to me. That leaves you 86,398.6 left to be an asshole.
Asshole.
Asshole.
After watching only one episode of Toddlers & Tiaras, I'm pretty sure my tubes just tied themselves.
When people start a sentence with "You know what your problem is" I interrupt & start telling them all my problems. They never expect that.
One side effect of Cialis can be hearing loss. So, a raging erection and unable to listen to a woman? It's every man's dream in pill form.
FB suggested I become a fan of "Not Getting Shot in the Face."
That will depend on what kind of weapon we're talking about here, Facebook.
That will depend on what kind of weapon we're talking about here, Facebook.
I'm going to assume my friend made a typo when she said Jizz Hands instead of Jazz Hands since it was a comment on Facebook and not Twitter.
One of my resolutions is to be more polite and ladylike. So, I will no longer be drunk. From now on, I'm inebriated. It's classier.
By the time I manage to get this new DVD out of the packaging, I could probably just watch it on the classic movie channel instead.
After burning a grilled cheese and spilling my juice, I've decided to end the job search and enroll myself in day care.
"A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down" If by sugar you mean vodka and by medicine you mean vicodin, then call me Mary Poppins.
I tried, I really did. I threw my hands up in the air and waved them like I just don't care. Then I realized I do care.
Damnit, I do care.
Damnit, I do care.
This is the 9th Christmas I have gone without getting a tree. I think year 10 is the year I can officially steal presents from Whoville.
Based on my face this morning, either I fell asleep last night while eating a cheese and mustard sandwich or I was bukkaked by Big Bird.
7 cups of coffee, I'm surrounded by happy people and Single Ladies is stuck in my head.
The bail money's in an envelope in my sock drawer.
The bail money's in an envelope in my sock drawer.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you already had the ability to order Pizza Hut on your iPhone, seeing how it *is* a phone
I spend too much time contemplating random thoughts because now I really want to know what happens when you put a Slinky on an escalator.
Eat tofu. Call ex-boyfriend. Smoke pot. One night stand.
List of things I'll have to do tomorrow since I only do them once in a blue moon.
List of things I'll have to do tomorrow since I only do them once in a blue moon.
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