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@Girl11Eleven
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Friends: 508
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Favs Given: 8,146
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@Girl11Eleven's (Girl11) most faved Tweets...
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There are 86,400 seconds in a day. It takes 1.4 seconds to say 'thank you' to me. That leaves you 86,398.6 left to be an asshole.
Asshole.
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Girl11Eleven
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After watching only one episode of Toddlers & Tiaras, I'm pretty sure my tubes just tied themselves.
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Girl11Eleven
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When people start a sentence with "You know what your problem is" I interrupt & start telling them all my problems. They never expect that.
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Girl11Eleven
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One side effect of Cialis can be hearing loss. So, a raging erection and unable to listen to a woman? It's every man's dream in pill form.
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Girl11Eleven
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FB suggested I become a fan of "Not Getting Shot in the Face."
That will depend on what kind of weapon we're talking about here, Facebook.
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Girl11Eleven
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I'm going to assume my friend made a typo when she said Jizz Hands instead of Jazz Hands since it was a comment on Facebook and not Twitter.
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Girl11Eleven
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One of my resolutions is to be more polite and ladylike. So, I will no longer be drunk. From now on, I'm inebriated. It's classier.
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Girl11Eleven
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By the time I manage to get this new DVD out of the packaging, I could probably just watch it on the classic movie channel instead.
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Girl11Eleven
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If idle hands are the Devil's Playground than Twitter is a full blown amusement park.
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Girl11Eleven
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After burning a grilled cheese and spilling my juice, I've decided to end the job search and enroll myself in day care.
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Girl11Eleven
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"A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down" If by sugar you mean vodka and by medicine you mean vicodin, then call me Mary Poppins.
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Girl11Eleven
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I tried, I really did. I threw my hands up in the air and waved them like I just don't care. Then I realized I do care.
Damnit, I do care.
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Girl11Eleven
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This is the 9th Christmas I have gone without getting a tree. I think year 10 is the year I can officially steal presents from Whoville.
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Girl11Eleven
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This newly hung mistletoe is now silently mocking me.
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Based on my face this morning, either I fell asleep last night while eating a cheese and mustard sandwich or I was bukkaked by Big Bird.
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7 cups of coffee, I'm surrounded by happy people and Single Ladies is stuck in my head.
The bail money's in an envelope in my sock drawer.
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I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you already had the ability to order Pizza Hut on your iPhone, seeing how it *is* a phone
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I spend too much time contemplating random thoughts because now I really want to know what happens when you put a Slinky on an escalator.
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Flava Flav probably really hates Daylight Savings Time.
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Eat tofu. Call ex-boyfriend. Smoke pot. One night stand.
List of things I'll have to do tomorrow since I only do them once in a blue moon.
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