@Girl11Eleven's (Girl11) recently faved Tweets...
@ruthakers The only thing that stuck with me was that Tiger didn't want a turkey sandwich, unless it was a Club.
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If I spent as much time on my resume as I did on NCAA brackets, I'd have a job. But then I'd miss the games, so it's a good thing I didn't.
I had a Naked Burrito for dinner and it was the first time I wished something in my mouth had its clothes on.
Pi Day? Steak and Blowjob Day? I'm dyslexic, a vegetarian and single. Let me know when it's National Everyone Gets Laid Day.
Old Navy claims their Whirly Skirt is "the most fun a girl can have for $15." They obviously haven't been on a trip with me to Mexico.
Kirk's crazy, Doogie's gay and Corey's dead. My childhood dreams of marrying them still sounds better than any of my current prospects.
Should the Kodak Theatre come under attack this evening, please stay calm and take shelter behind Sarah Jessica Parker's hair.
"If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side."
Or polish off a bottle of vodka. That works too.
Or polish off a bottle of vodka. That works too.
Unemployment is educational. I've learned a watched pot does boil, liquor stores open at 9am and hair can dread faster than one would think.
Since Spencer Pratt didn't bite his whole tongue off in that accident this week, I should have at least a half a wish left.
I don't get the phrase 'passed with flying colors.' The only time I've seen flying colors I was trippin' balls and all I could pass was out.
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