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When I dress nicely, people compliment me so enthusiastically that they are clearly saying, "you dress like shit most of the time."
Googled two college friends and they both have IMDb entries. I solved one side of a Rubik's cube yesterday
Sir, your martinis have all the subtlety of a Ginsberg poem. #HighbrowSnaps
I'm a very patient glass flameworking teacher, but if I have to explain gravity more than 10 times, you're on your own.
Tuck the cigarette behind your ear before you go outside, because that's the only moment smoking looks cool.
The vending machine gave me TWO packages of Skittles today, so I guess you could say things are going pretty well.
Often I feel like an anxious and difficult person, but I just overheard a neighbor say, "Her? She chill as fuck."
Assemble 9 random vegans and they will be dressed as the cast of Firefly.
Gave my first two gifts! Some moldy-smelling Pirates baseball cards and a two-pack of expired cat antibiotics. I suck at Christmas.