Famished for grace and symmetry. This can only mean I need new shoes.

Ugh.The biggest geek alive is staring at me today. In the mirror.

No, still not bright enough. Show me the shade of blonde that makes this feel all better.

Atomic Puppy Pee is too a color. Look.

I beg you to stop telling me to 'feel great' and 'stand taller' while you're wearing those hideous glasses.

Planting avocados, because they feel like home. Not in temporary pots but in terra firma because it feels safe and true.

I traded my failing, broken down battle ax of an iPhone 3GS in for a vivid iPhone 4 and suddenly I understand that whole trophy wife thing.

I leave so much good energy in my wake it isn't even funny. Rub me for good luck. No, precious, not there.

Tightening a loose screw on glasses with steak knife. Changing a GPS watchband with butter knife. Chopstix as Cheetos fork. Attack Nerd.

She said she wanted pool jets just like the ones in my pool. I just nodded my head but didn't ask questions.

The ladylike term for '3 day hangover' is 'influenza'. Well, that's what I'm going with, anyway.

Waylaid in the way wrong sense of the word.

Having a Tic Tac for lunch. I ate everything else yesterday.

I'm saving all rejection letters, though, including 1 from today. They are printed on paper in shades of Jaundice, Diaper, Smug and Bitch.

I have so much in common with people I find odd or unsettling that I'm forced to question my own prescription drug levels.. or lack thereof.

I'd NEVER forget to unlock the gate if we had a pool *boy* instead of the chemically pungent beast who passes her skimmer over the pool now.

Typetypetypetype crack-up Typetypetypetype crack-up Typetypetypetype crack-up pickupthephone crack-up hang-up Typetypetypetype crack-up...

"Oh, my. He looks exactly like the late husband of the woman who's been hitting on my best friend's husband."

The flat out refusal to even glance at the pale and papery emperor or his crummy trumped up wardrobe.

damn the pernicious giraffe