if you got synesthesia i taste bad for you son

if i were a coroner, id list everybody's cause of death as "owned."

some guy on the bus just announced that he wanted to buy some coke then pulled the cord, got off the bus, and walked off into a graveyard.

shes got dumps like a truck, truck, truck / thighs like what, what, what / what is a truck, truck, truck / i never understood trucks

my paranoid insecurity is so bad that when i wake up & hear a spooky noise in my apartment, instead of asking "anyone there" i ask "haters?"

"gamer fuel" ingredients: self-loathing, misogyny, extended adolescence, disposable income, white privilege, colonialism, misogyny, misogyny

reminder that i am literally going to write in "a gay dog" for my vote for president. i urge you to do the same. #gaydog2012

*flexes while sobbing*

*me as a police sergeant* "motherfucker i know two things in this world: the work of french philosopher jacques derrida and fingerfucking."

hitler came to me in a dream last night. he put his immaculately clean atheist fingers in my mouth+whispered in my ear: "the mcrib is back."

"hi haters," "hail satan," "namaste," and "cheers" are all interchangeable, right?

you fail to enact a proper heteronormative white capitalist masculinity so your literal gendered citizenship is in question #ManCardRevoked

"sexually gay but ethnically straight." im biologically alive but spiritually dead because of that fucking comment.

my gender is earthbender but my sexuality is firebender

#INeedMasculismBecause i am a robot that runs on a fuel that can only be distilled from the petulant shrieking of entitled manchildren.

a friend of mine once wrote a paper that attempted the argument that batman is a feminist and her professor made only one note on it: NO.

you guys, i just fell down a couple of stairs while typing "pee the change you want to pee in the world," i think i have to quit grad school

this is your brain *egg* this is your brain on hugs *brain gets inappropriate erection+isnt allowed to teach sunday school anymore smdh*

reminder that if you ask somebody whats up and they reply "chilling" that it is possible that they meant that your question horrified them.

*DROPS TO KNEES + ATTEMPTS TO SCREAM "WASPS" IN MOURNING BUT ACCIDENTALLY SHOUTS THE N-WORD COMPLETE WITH THE R AND EVERYTHING* #RIPRonPaul