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Once, my girlfriend and I did it doggy style for half an hour!
...or four minutes in human time...
It sucks when, after sex, you look down and see that limp used condom hanging off your dick...
Especially when you weren't wearing one
After spending 20 minutes trying to get my girlfriend's bra off, I've decided to give up. I wish I never put it on now!
I'm making big $$ selling Home Security Systems.
The pitch is easy. All I do is say "Hello!"
At 3am while sitting on the end of their bed.
The average couple argues 312 times a year.
It's actually 310 but try telling her that!
I think when the space shuttle comes back to Earth, everyone should be dressed in an ape suit...Just to freak the astronauts out...
I wonder if kids in China ever look at their happy meal toys and think, "Hey, I made this!"
I know I'm great in bed because every girl I've ever had sex with has told me she wished it had lasted longer...
I bought her a pair of crotchless panties for Halloween..
Nothing sexual, it`s just to give her a better grip on the broomstick...
I saved my 2nd girlfriend's phone # as 'LOW BATTERY'.
Whenever she calls and I'm not around, my gf plugs it into the charger...
I think I may have a medical problem. I just checked my testicles and found one to be a little larger than the other two...
I just opened a new restaurant called 'Karma'. There's no menu, we just give you what you deserve...
She came out of the bathroom, winked at me and said, "I shaved my pussy. Do you know what that means?"
Me: The drain is clogged?
No Regrets... just Live, Laugh, and Love.
