@cmpunk it's legal here in Canada. We didn't get turned into salt & our divorce rate didn't increase.

New rule: next person who insults my appearance gets decapitated.

Family Law midterm today! Wish me luck!

There's a guy @ the bus stop talking on his phone, & by phone, I mean measuring tape.

Ke$ha is the spokesperson for the Humane Society. That's not even a punchline, although it feels like it should be.

I'm the only person in my neighbourhood with a locked wi-fi signal. In other news, five of my neighbours are retarded.

Everytime I hear Ke$ha, I want to stab myself in the ears with a pen.

If everyone's turned their back on you, it probably means you're the one who's wrong.

I WROTE THIS pic.twitter.com/IAGutOBP

“@lilgapeach30: How dare you say I'm fucking stupid!

I stopped fucking him when I divorced him!” Best. Tweet. Ever.

My whole day shall be salvaged with Nutella. That's right, because Nutella is freaking awesome.

Microsoft Access is an asshole program for assholes.

Cinnamon pancakes & applewood smoked bacon...mmmmm

Happy MW3 day!

Store clerk says he loves when I come in because I'm the most beautiful part of his day. Clearly I'm freaking hot.

Dear hyper coffee lady, thank you for making the espresso in my latte a triple. Love, me

Funny how you will piss on the only person who wants to help you, even when they're the last person who should want to help you.

So apparently the entire city of Windsor has had sex in my house except for me.

The awkward moment when you want to be angry but you can't because you love them too damn much.

It's getting harder to haul my ass out of bed each day. #loser