It's like I only feel love to feel the greatest of pains.

If there's ever a zombie apocalypse, I'm becoming a necrophiliac.

Show me a happy version of myself and I'll show you all the scars and open wounds.

It must hurt the most, knowing that the love that we shared was never taken for granted but still died.

My signature move is called"the wet noodle".

You don't know me? It's not like you could have me anyway.

You probably don't have very many interesting stories if you think you're going to heaven.

Hey, if I wanted any more lip from you, I'd scrape it of my dick.

No matter how good the food was, it always turns to shit.

I don't think anyone reads my tweets, I mean, I still have followers.

Don't ever look down when you've hit rock bottom, you'll only find your broken heart under you and realize its been empty for a while.

The only thing happiness has ever done for me is letting me taste it just enough to let me know how miserable I truly am.

@jmfnsparks ...and then your butt with wretched screaming

I hate having diarrhea.mostly because I can't control my tongue growing out my bung.

I don't know what the fuck happened last night but my girlfriend and I woke up with pussy breath.

Breakfast: metformin, 2 vicodin; lunch: metformin, propranolol, ritalin, adderall, clonazepam, alprazolam,paroxetine. Can't wait for dinner.

@manjuggs guess you could say its "not a big deal" :P

Who says you need #God to be genuinely kind? it's sad #atheists have been "demonized" when they're the ones not celebrating an illusion...

@illz35 don't mess with Texas! It's not nice to bully retards.

You atheists better thank God it was his original plan to never exist in the first place