I just realized that the "teapot" in the song "I'm a little teapot" is really a tea kettle.

This is just like the end of 'The Crying Game'.

Had finished wrapping the surgical hose around my upper arm before I blurrily remember that coffee is taken orally.

This coffee shop has a much higher tattoo per capita than I'm used to. Hope a espresso bar brawl doesn't break out while I'm here.

At this rate Santorum is bound to declare Jar Jar Binks the best Star Wars character.

I always imagine that new Presidents just geek out on confidential dossiers for the first month.

Wes Anderson movies are just This American Life fan fiction.

Learned that lanes in India are for losers. Also, Indian stop signs mean honk and speed up.

You call it 'fajitas', but I call it 'make your own tacos'.

Got vaccinated for Polio yesterday but the doctor assured me that I could still ride horseback with a mallet.

I've never met a progress bar that didn't lie in some way.

My son will never look as adoringly at me as he does at our ceiling fan.

Why is there loud music in bars and restaurants where you want to talk to people and not in bathrooms where you don't.

I can't wait until Microsoft tries to copy Google+ and introduces BingBong.

To avoid unnecessary giggling, I've had to take to referring to the classic Melville book my wife is reading as "Moby Richard".

Is it so weird that I want, just once before the shuttle program ends, for the shuttle and ISS robot arms to high five?

I'd really like to see George Clooney in a role written for Michael Cera.

I have to admit, I'm a little confused:
http://yfrog.com/4ry8pj

I bought rat poison tonight. Very tempted to buy a box of valentines chocolates, and top it off by winking at the checkout person.

Liberals can always threaten to move to Canada or pretty much any other country. To where would conservatives threaten to move? Iran?

I bet Sarah Palin is taking up a clandestine life of fighting crime.