My wife has passed being a cougar and is now a puma.

This place is a proverbial clown car of stupid!

Your everybody's friend when you have a truck. But on the brightside...picking up a stove for a needy family.

Wife: Are you having second thoughts? What I heard: Are you having sex thoughts? Wife: :/

Shopping with my wife and daughter at Target for bathing suit for the daughter.......shoot me now!!!!!!

Someday I will write my story. The names will be changed to protect the idiots.

Just watched a woman put her phone in her bra. Nothing like boob sweat on the Blackberry.

I'll beat you with this tailpipe. Then you will be exhausted.

If your going to do the wrong thing.....do it at the right time.

Social media is a wonderful invention that makes it very easy to do dumb, embarrassing, and emotionally tragic things.

12 away from 100 followers. Not above begging.

All guys hate the words don't and stop. Unless they are said together.

Praise the lord and pass the ammunition......the cocks beat the red tide!!!!!!! An epic battle. Go Gators!!!!!_

Either way I'm in love! QT @brankeykay: Im not so much a pillow biter as a people biter

As the hurricane said to the palm tree.....hold on this isn't going to be an ordinary blow job.

I'm so happy it is Monday, that I am farting glitter and pissing unicorn tears.

@thedailydogfood @mrfornicator fuck for a duck, duck for a fuck and 20 bucks for a fucked up duck!

@tharizzy Halogen fluid is a suitable replacement. Any Autozone will have it.

Prison Pro Tip: Punk Jelly is not for toast. So I hear.

This car wouldn't pull a greasy string out of a cat's ass.