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Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
Today I broke my personal best record of most consecutive days alive.
Whoever invented being drunk. I love you.
Sometimes bad decisions are the high point of my day.
You break me. You buy me.
Behind every sexy woman, is a man looking at her ass.
Music should probably be considered magic.
I'd give you a piece of my mind. But I can't afford to let anymore of it go.
Spooning is great, but it's the sporking I'm looking forward to.
Adding "and shit" at the end of a sentence, can make anything sound thug.
Your meltdown could be someone else's inspiration.
If I had concentrated as much in school as I concentrate on Twitter now, well fuck, I don't know. But, whatever.
Sex without love is merely physical exercise. But that's really healthy, isn't it?
Here's my life's story in a sentence ---> My Walmart shopping cart only has 3 functioning wheels.
Act your rage.
4 out of 5 voices in my head say to go back to sleep.
If someone tells you to "forget it", remember it.
Sometimes it's nice to speak without any fucking words.
I tell myself, "no Twitter tonight". Then I take a little peek. And of course, you all suck me in like crack on a lollipop!
Who in the fuck decided to call Worcestershire sauce Worcestershire sauce??!!