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Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
Today I broke my personal best record of most consecutive days alive.
Whoever invented being drunk. I love you.
Sometimes bad decisions are the high point of my day.
Behind every sexy woman, is a man looking at her ass.
Spooning is great, but it's the sporking I'm looking forward to.
I'd give you a piece of my mind. But I can't afford to let anymore of it go.
You break me. You buy me.
Adding "and shit" at the end of a sentence, can make anything sound thug.
Your meltdown could be someone else's inspiration.
Sex without love is merely physical exercise. But that's really healthy, isn't it?
If I had concentrated as much in school as I concentrate on Twitter now, well fuck, I don't know. But, whatever.
I tell myself, "no Twitter tonight". Then I take a little peek. And of course, you all suck me in like crack on a lollipop!
4 out of 5 voices in my head say to go back to sleep.
Act your rage.
Here's my life's story in a sentence ---> My Walmart shopping cart only has 3 functioning wheels.
Music should probably be considered magic.
Sometimes it's nice to speak without any fucking words.
Who in the fuck decided to call Worcestershire sauce Worcestershire sauce??!!
If someone tells you to "forget it", remember it.