@Goose's (Don Carman) most faved Tweets...
Wearing a rumpled trench coat and saying, "Just one more thing..." to everyone I see. I love Columbo day.
I never really understood the whole mentality of the characters in Lord of the Flies until I got an email about donuts in the kitchen.
Separate whites and coloreds? Sorry Tide, I refuse to segregate. Burn your crosses in another washing machine.
Fortune from my fortune cookie: "Fuck you. I work in a fortune cookie factory." I mean, that doesn't even sound like they're trying.
The possibility of working late on a Friday fills me with bemusement. Bemusement means "murderous rage," right?
Pretty sure I just broke up an intimate moment in the bathroom. Either that or 2 guys were putting on an imaginary horse costume.
Just saw my neighbor peel out on his lawn and drive over his curb on his way to work. Apparently I live in Hazzard county.
If it were socially acceptable, physically possible, and somewhat pleasurable, I think I would make love to this honeycrisp apple.
I just ate a whole bunch of animal crackers. Or as I like to tell my kids, had an animal holocaust in my mouth.
walked in with an iphone in one pocket, ipod in another, & a Macbook slung over my shoulder. Saw apple pie on the table. I think it's a trap
Did they just suggest Fall Out Boy has a greatest hits album? How long have I been asleep? Can I buy a flying car yet?
3 y.o. came in and asked what "God" was, so I hid under a blanket and pretended I was asleep until she left. Who said parenting was tough?
I like where this Octomom/Gosselin feud is going - each have their own tiny kid armies they can deploy.
Went to see Santa arrive in town. Daughter asked where Mrs. Claus was.
"At home, cleaning of course."
The women in the crowd loved me!
"At home, cleaning of course."
The women in the crowd loved me!
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Just passed a sign advertising "meat bingo." I've never wanted to go and not go to an event so much.
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wife suggested I twittered too much & handed me this thing with a lot of pieces of paper with words all over them. Called it a "book."
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Guys, let's not forget about the real tragedy here. We still have a child with the name "Falcon." #balloonboy
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I picture Palin's trusted advisor as some drifter she picked up, continuously agreeing with her just so she'll pour him another bowl of stew
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