What is forgetting your bag, laptop, and wallet at home?

I'll take Feeling Naked for $400, Alex.

"Because the bible tells us so," is the lamest excuse. Ever.

When you have kids, tipping becomes less of a "thank you" and more of an "I am so, so sorry."

New rule: I'm only voting for atheist candidates.

Related: I may not be voting for a long long time.

No, I don't want a weekly email from Twitter telling me what I may or may not have missed. I get enough of that shit from Facebook.

@hotdogsladies I'm not familiar with your work, but you may find this interesting: http://t.co/NmBTmAXU

@hotdogsladies My son says that you're both wrong: Lynen Makeen.

@hotdogsladies "Kitty!"

XKCD explains why some @ylnt episodes are more accurate than others. http://xkcd.com/903/

On the bright side, one of the girls liked my shoes. But I'm pretty sure she really just wanted to know what I put on after I shave.

Bill Maher may be my new hero: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlP09x2kxrU

Oops, I think I just violated a commandment.

My kids are now enjoying library e-books on the iPad. The future is awesome.

@yacitus @pzmyers "Evidence!" "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

Dear God, why are your followers soooo dumb? http://bit.ly/mlVMxq /via @schuchert @dun3

Turn on your speakers and start clicking! http://bit.ly/hMcrPY /via @unclebobmartin

@wilshipley The money for missiles is printed on demand. The ink is extracted from the crushed souls of our school children.

"U.S. terror threat may "be at its most heightened state" since 9/11." You guys say that ALL the time.

Hypothesis: reality tv shows have at most 5 minutes of unique footage per 30 minutes broadcast.

I did use one of AOL's CDs, once. I nuked it in a microwave and turned it into a pretty clock.

I've already won the Superbowl by not watching it.