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Friends: 384
Followers: 1,632
Favs Given: 10,994
Favs Rec'd: 13,211
@GorillaSushi's (Jason Phillips) most faved Tweets...
GorillaSushi
Facebook options should be "Comment", "Like" and "GO TO SNOPES.COM AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU'RE LESS OF A BURDEN ON SOCIETY".
@GorillaSushi
GorillaSushi
You're never drinking alone when you've got the internet.
@GorillaSushi
GorillaSushi
I take death threats very seriously. I even used fancy paper and double-checked all the spelling.
@GorillaSushi
GorillaSushi
If you play that drum solo ONE MORE TIME, there *will* be repercussions.
@GorillaSushi
GorillaSushi
My hair needs more body, not vice versa.
@GorillaSushi
GorillaSushi
Not ALL Egyptians walk like that. Racists.
@GorillaSushi
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GorillaSushi
My GPS has a lady-voice so I started flirting with her. Then she told me where I could go.
@GorillaSushi
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GorillaSushi
I just busted a move and because of some stupid store policy, I now have to buy it.
@GorillaSushi
GorillaSushi
Just accidentally poured wine in my coffee cup. My subconscious - always lookin' out for me.
@GorillaSushi
GorillaSushi
FYI: The Ghostbusters' number is no longer in service. I have no idea who I'm going to call.
@GorillaSushi
GorillaSushi
Roses are red, violets are blue, accurate color identification is a desirable trait when selecting a mate for breeding purposes.
@GorillaSushi
GorillaSushi
Trust me, the letter T is the most pivotal letter when typing the phrase "it sucked ass".
@GorillaSushi
GorillaSushi
Way to commit to a typo, local PUBIC Library. I learned a lot from the free Brazilian waxes in your "non-friction" section.
@GorillaSushi
GorillaSushi
If you're using more than 3 pieces of tape, you're doing it wrong. Kidnapping is hard.
@GorillaSushi
GorillaSushi
Back in my day we didn't have all this flirting on the internet. You simply faxed a picture of your wiener to a girl with a yes/no checkbox.
@GorillaSushi
GorillaSushi
This backhoe's got 99 problems but a ditch ain't one.
@GorillaSushi
GorillaSushi
"Daytime" is the flexible time period that occurs somewhere between coffee and alcohol.
@GorillaSushi
GorillaSushi
Next time you meet someone who works at home, know this: We have the awesomest secret dance moves. DO NOT fuck with us on the dance floor.
@GorillaSushi
GorillaSushi
I ate Five Guys for dinner and it tasted like a greasy homosexual innuendo. As I hoped it would.
@GorillaSushi
GorillaSushi
I just texted an ancient Roman girl with "I LUV U" and she texted back "I LVV V II".
@GorillaSushi
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