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I'm hungry. But not "walk to a food-place" hungry.
I still think Sam Elliott sitting in an easy chair reading plot summaries of "Glee" would be a better show than an actual episode of "Glee."
God dammit. Another Walmart that doesn't sell penny farthings. This is what's wrong with America.
Insomnia is something that happens to sad people when God takes out their sleepiness to make room for more sad. #JoeRecyclesOldTweets
Just shaved off my muttonchops...
Then spent 40 minutes sobbing and shouting to myself in the mirror, "What woman would want you NOW?!"
I can't wait for the "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf" video game, "Woolfenstein 3D."
When I win the lottery, I'm going to pay the Micro Machines commercial guy to narrate my life story.
SOMEONE IS GIVING AWAY TWO FREE HORSES ON CRAIGSLIST I NEED TO LOOK AT THE APARTMENT COMPLEX'S PET POLICY NOW
Read an article saying guys who're nerdy, overweight, & have routine are better partners.
Look alive, ladies. Fresh slab o' Joe right here.
I feel like I should make another tweet where I make the punchline a full line below the setup.
See? Like this.
Wikipedia is nonexistent as of current.
Just like me and meaningful social contact with other human beings.
Socially inept. Comedy writer. Horrible person.