This dude is playing the fucking tea kettle. You hipsters need to stop.

I typed "I'm feeling" and auto-complete was like "lonely?"

@rillitho this made me spit my drink all over everything

it sucks that the only way to get good at stuff that you're bad at is by doing them

Bus drivers swear they're bouncers.

What is Wilfred actually doing when he's smoking?

It's not quitting if you don't start!

I need to do laundry so I took a nap and now I'm watching the sutff on my Hulu queue that's about to expire.

@bighappieyes what's the champagne equivalent of Moscato?

Bangtoberfest

Biden gets social media. RT @s0ns_of_liberty: #FuckYeah RT @joebiden: RT if you're on #TeamJoe

Unlimited Metrocards allow you to take the train one stop to Dunkin Donuts and that is glorious.

Still waiting for a first wind

Stop listening to rappers and open a savings account.

Anyone who buys pie flavored gum is nasty AF.

Trying to be social <<<<<<<<<<<

@s0ns_of_liberty wooden chair, fork, hot oil, soy sauce

@tenpointone I don't know if I'm ready for this journey then.

Rise and feel like shit.

@kdn13 with live sax solo