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Ladies, stop faking your orgasms, you're ruining a whole generation of men who think they're doing it right.
You're at your best when she is smiling because of you.
My girlfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate. Now I have two girlfriends.
Life is just an f in Lie.
Sex? (a) yes; (b) a; (c) b
Removed all the mirrors from my house. I was so tired of living with that asshole.
Nice try, people who are not following me yet, nice try.
People make mistakes or mistakes make people? I'm confused.
First rule of every rule is to break the shit out of it.
You can't fucking accept terms and conditions of porn sites faster than me.
You are not what you tweet, you are what you don't tweet because of embarrassment.
I may joke a lot about my wife and sons but the truth is I love & appreciate them. Without them I would be single, lonely and debt free.
You keep on making mistakes and I'll keep on forgiving you. Don't know if you remember but we are in love.
Vagina is a super power.
I'm not getting enough of everything I want.
Him: My watch says you're not wearing Panties. Her: But I'm wearing it. Him: My watch is 10 min ahead.
Drunk me is far better than me.
I don't want a lot of followers. I just need one really talented follower. And, she will follow me upstairs to bed every night.
Sometimes I sleep just to ignore people.
Nice try ladies, dating assholes and complaining. Nice try.