Sometimes, you just need to get drunk and tell people you don't like them. Its a fact of life

I wish your vagina wasn't attached to such a fucking bitch.

People don't fuck off enough

Everything is always better with Fuck added to it. Fuckeverything.

Twitter: where like minded people fucking hate everyone

Sometimes fuck you just doesn't fucking cut it.

Wait... love is that stuff that comes from a penis, right?

If you text me to call you, go fuck yourself.

A twitter crush is all fun and games until they meet you in person and fuck you completely senseless

if you have never made a prank call that triggers a criminal investigation. you have not lived.

If you ever call me just to talk, you best be talking dirty

You can pay for education all you want, but you can't buy good old fashioned common fucking sense.

9 times out of 10, go fuck yourself

Most people use the internet as a front, but I would be just as happy to tell you to go fuck yourself in person

That awkward moment when you call your girlfriend Dave while fucking her from behind.

its the people who say "that was so funny I forgot to laugh" that always seem to scream the loudest when you cut them open

I can't be the only one that has considered faking an injury at work for the pain killers and to abuse twitter all day.

Called over 20 florists and not one will delivery a burning bag of dog shit. What the fuck!

if only a cum shot sounded like a real gun shot

Hey people judging people, go fuck yourselves!