They can coexist. You can believe in the Big Bang without denouncing God, I promise. Believing in God =/= believing the earth is 9,000 y.o.

Just had a conversation with myself that ended with "You sure?" "Does the Pope shit in the woods?" *Blank stare at myself* #INeedHelp

Son says he'll have a 200,000 foot tall, rainbow-colored horse made of sticks. Loser. He doesn't even know horses are measured in hands.

Quote of the day: "I can assure you that a spider could crawl all over you without waking you up." ~ Me. #horrid

Sure, guy who just drove on the sidewalk to get around a barricade, that street's open. We just left that there by accident #PleaseBeSterile

Poll: "15 percent of Ohio Republican voters said Mitt Romney is "more responsible" for Osama bin Laden's death than President Obama...""

I think Cookie Monster might be Chewbacca with a meth addiction and hair dye.

For my fat bastard gamer brothers in @kickpunchblock, check out today's http://t.co/4cTlpCPV t-shirt: Meat Fighter. Epic! #RonVsBKing

"Once I went out in the real world, things got real. This is a really hard piece of meat." *everybody dies of laughter* @maireadcarr

"Don't. Touch. The knives." @maireadcarr

"My spoon fell down." "It sounded like the world fell down!" @jordan_carr @maireadcarr

Coworker all up at my desk, taking my seat, so I blasted some @chimairaband for him. Finally the "devil music" drove him away. =)

Wow, @freedominguez is straight KILLIN it right now. Feeling the passion. Get em, girl. #IntimateNYC

On the bright side, it's Friday. <3

I need coffee, desperately. I'm not even like falling asleep tired, I'm physically up; I'm just mentally misfiring this morning. #HelpMe

24 hours ago, it felt like the world was crashing down around me. Now, things are close to perfect. #ScrewTheRealWorld #BabySteps

Something something St. John's something grades something something @mairead2112. *angry face* #PassiveAggressiveTweet

False. @jordan_carr can. RT @_angiesaywhat: Out of all of my friends I'm seriously the only one who can sleep for days.

Bayern München, bitches!

To everyone dying over the Wikipedia blackout: Don't like your internet messed with? Let your legislators know #SOPA and #PIPA are bad.