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I hate bar fights. It's not so much the fighting I dislike, it's the make up sex after that makes me uncomfortable.
If you've never been slapped in the face by the hottest girl at the bar, you're not trying hard enough.
Twitter at night = Shitfacedbook
Even if all ten of my fingers were middle fingers, it wouldn't be enough for this asshole in front of me!!!
If you never fall down,you'll never learn to pick yourself up. Trip a little kid today and start building their character.
My favorite thing to see when I'm cruising down the Highway is bare feet on the dash board.
I ♣ baby seals.
You haven't lived until you answer a knock on your door and find a beautiful woman dressed only in a trench coat, high heels and a smile.
This Wednesday feels like a Monday. The fact that this is the first day this week I showed up for work might have something to do with that.
On Thursdays I like to tell the boss " have a good weekend" just to keep him guessing about Friday.
These GOP candidates should hold they're next debate in Pamplona,call it The running of the Mouths.
Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead.~ Ben Franklin
Fucked up pretty!Fucked pretty up. Pretty fucked up?
I can tell this girl has hairy armpits just by all the Phish stickers on her beat up Subaru.
The bank called looking for the car payment... I gave them another saab story.
They say insanity is repeating the same behavior over and over and expecting a different result. So...why do I show up for work everyday?
Somewhere along America's east coast a woman sits quietly fisting a turkey. Dreading the fact that her mother inlaw is coming for dinner.
RL friend just asked about twitter. I told him it was a bunch of sick perverted fucks talking shit all night & day,...Am I wrong?
I Love Drinkin' with bald chicks!! No hair to hold back when they puke!
I've spent most of my life behind bars...Handlebars. It used to be about bikes, now it's a fucking fashion show.