Huh? just overheard a girl say, "He's not gay he's just really stressed out."

I didn't realize the "one per client" rule at work is actually "one per client unless they have a giant rack"

Anyone else get a molestery vibe from Mr. Peanut?

finding it ironic that conservatives worship a hippie

Just agreed to erase a friends hard drive that's chock full of amateur gay porn should something happen to him. Am I a good friend or what?

Thought I was feeling the Christmas spirit until I remembered I took a painkiller about an hour ago.

My safeword is "Bachmann"

So far this month, asking myself "What would Madonna do?" has gotten me: a new job, three phone numbers, and two speeding tickets. #WWMD

"When the rapture comes, feel free to use our pool."

:sigh: You make out with a couple of dudes, and people start assuming shit.

Whats more disturbing than Richard Simmons singin Single Ladies? Nothing. Nothings more disturbing than Richard Simmons singin Single Ladies

This Easter candy tastes funny  http://twitpic.com/cfdoqd 

Does this sweating while eating pancakes make me look fat?

gay muslim = gusilim

sounds about right...

http://t.co/e35KhkQA

Yesterday made me realize I have a "google problem" so I'm changing my username; new twitter handle, same eye-roll inducing humor.

Six words I never want to hear again: "So I found your twitter account..."

Those gay guys judged the shit out of my coffee table. :(

NJ Transit was shutdown last night which meant I had to take the path train! I didn't get groped but I'm like, 40% sure I caught hepatitis.

We go together like Spencer Pratt and date rape eyes.