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  • GuyAdvisor
      GuyAdvisor @GuyAdvisor

    Cleavage is the original Jedi Mind Trick.

    • 1,252
    • FAVS
    JohnDuffy21ejmichaels1dellen01heywizardsonly_____SeaKing1________John26649305CuddleYourCatukulelezell
    • 692
    • RETWEETS
    ejmichaels1rabbithole423Sweet21Girl93__sdcharger1969overallexpertCris_teazyyy_SeaKing1________Rolltide_mn
    STOTLEI_Mee_Myself_JosesLovesYouBillFienbergryaninco__BarebakAssassinNotJustJack______DefrostDisney
  • GuyAdvisor
      GuyAdvisor @GuyAdvisor

    I towed my car to the mechanic and he said "Looks like you blew a tranny."

    "No," I responded. "That's just toothpaste."

    • 1,010
    • FAVS
    JohnDuffy21dru0887ejmichaels1Lonely_SliceFabian6amoverallexpertLeafsKarlbrad_fr_kelley
    • 402
    • RETWEETS
    _SeaKing1________DickFurariqwertying69jonsiscottthetwat______RowdyBergeroye_gujjuDJLIWIKZ
    BillFienbergTrigg3rHippieDeanB15partiallyproBlazedDonuts______JiminyKicksItA_Bit_Too_Rude____JackCojiSan______Dr_OyTerenia01
  • GuyAdvisor
      GuyAdvisor @GuyAdvisor

    True love is when someone is attracted to you for the fact that you're batshit crazy, not despite it.

    • 777
    • FAVS
    bri_baker2FunniestEverJohnDuffy21dru0887JUSTLisandraejmichaels1StephenBCramerjillianmay_
    • 443
    • RETWEETS
    FunniestEverejmichaels1jillianmay_HalfSanePrnessobi_ian_kenobioverallexpertMcSniper66__Yerin__
    BillFienbergRamblingMachine__MizBlueBallsthtchicmichelleswollenvoice
  • GuyAdvisor
      GuyAdvisor @GuyAdvisor

    Hey, Gals! The fastest way to a man's heart is by trying to suck it out directly through his penis as many times a day as you possibly can

    • 719
    • FAVS
    FunniestEverJohnDuffy21dru0887Lonely_Slicedellen01ClarkDorey_SeaKing1________thereverendcink
    • 263
    • RETWEETS
    davidwadesFunniestEverClarkDoreyoverallexpertMcSniper66_SeaKing1________RowdyBergeroye_gujju
    BillFienbergLove_Gunn________
  • GuyAdvisor
      GuyAdvisor @GuyAdvisor

    Fact: The first time a guy gets to shower with a girl, she comes out with the cleanest boobs ever

    • 635
    • FAVS
    JohnDuffy21dru0887ihuffpaintejmichaels1XclairemckXynqijustussteelMehrangizC
    • 291
    • RETWEETS
    ejmichaels1lizzie_antoneShaeAaronQuibellprwglass1StvonerjustinTheAlexPcigarin
    JosesLovesYoujoeljeffreyWuDaFucCanadian_Hoserbrentsisley
  • GuyAdvisor
      GuyAdvisor @GuyAdvisor

    There have been reports of cougar sightings in my neighborhood, so I set a trap with Journey's Greatest Hits and a nice cabernet

    • 638
    • FAVS
    FunniestEverJohnDuffy21dru0887ejmichaels1StephenBCramer_SeaKing1________thereverendcinkRowdyBerger
    • 280
    • RETWEETS
    FunniestEverejmichaels1oye_gujjuWhiskeyBritLMacd1thatguy_kevEmancipatiiveCatire_Torres
    GetCougarizedTequilaTears_Shizzle__________
  • GuyAdvisor
      GuyAdvisor @GuyAdvisor

    Spice things up by sprinkling glitter on your penis. She will feel as though she's riding a magical unicorn to a faraway land 3 minutes away

    • 412
    • FAVS
    TheSkepticusholliamcDefUSKbrocketxyzSoftSteerspottheotter__masochisticlifeJohnDuffy21
    • 470
    • RETWEETS
    WebbPaganfingerspottheotter__masochisticlifeejmichaels1ashleykellyxoThe__ThugQueenNzgrimgrant31051994
    MisterSnuggl3s
  • GuyAdvisor
      GuyAdvisor @GuyAdvisor

    Me: You know, talking to yourself doesn't make you crazy.
    Me: I know, right?
    Me: It's a sign of advanced intelligence.
    Me: High-5.
    Me: Word.

    • 487
    • FAVS
    JohnDuffy21dru0887StephenBCramerthereverendcinkRowdyBergeroye_gujjuJosesLovesYouSam_stone31
    • 329
    • RETWEETS
    RowdyBergeroye_gujjuunworldlyIdeasM_Pham12thagr8short1AprilHall4Don_Wizzy1IqaHapizi
    CVTBaby
  • GuyAdvisor
      GuyAdvisor @GuyAdvisor

    Hey, Gang! When a woman dresses sexy, she only wants attractive men to look at her. Not you, ugly creeper douchebag molester fuck.

    • 554
    • FAVS
    JohnDuffy21dru0887LejacquieKzaliseha_ErinWevanrhorneDanPildnervmacn
    • 194
    • RETWEETS
    OnlyK8evanrhorneDanPildnerEvil24601jake_likes_napsMcSniper66_SeaKing1________kalmooha
    supastar04________
  • GuyAdvisor
      GuyAdvisor @GuyAdvisor

    Remember, Kids... If you have to ask if she had an orgasm, the answer is no.

    • 435
    • FAVS
    DirtyHarryBDtheonlygoldencipollonskyPS_IRuddYouJohnDuffy21StephenBCramerthereverendcinkRowdyBerger
    • 302
    • RETWEETS
    DirtyHarryBDcipollonskyPS_IRuddYouoye_gujjumelFoxy1SamBaeuxLeahSully370_john__________
    goodersuk74______PORNOPINIONmartycip
  • GuyAdvisor
      GuyAdvisor @GuyAdvisor

    Remember, Kids... The only thing sexier than a smart woman is a smart woman with a kickin' body who's into anal and owns a liquor store

    • 532
    • FAVS
    JohnDuffy21StephenBCramerzaliseha_ErinWdavid8hughesDSLikesItdanverjaml3av3m3alon3
    • 188
    • RETWEETS
    GnrlHumanjake_likes_napsShezKayanidiotinNYC______PrettyKittyxo69__kababchee__slyoung5Sam_stone31
    failing_at_life
  • GuyAdvisor
      GuyAdvisor @GuyAdvisor

    Did you know? Women have super powers. They can see right through your bullshit.

    • 474
    • FAVS
    JohnDuffy21tackie_jackie____SaldanaEmilianol3av3m3alon3Amrrwiseshut_uupanidiotinNYC______Faux_Ma
    • 231
    • RETWEETS
    SaldanaEmilianosaminaakbar15anidiotinNYC______slyoung5JayneymooTheLizzyKAlshayebNoorAlAbdallahSarah
    SuSuSuDonym______
  • GuyAdvisor
      GuyAdvisor @GuyAdvisor

    Hey, everyone using KY:

    You know what makes an excellent lubricant?

    Licking the clitoris for 10 minutes. Save your money and try foreplay

    • 446
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerRowdyBergerJodyToneAbbeWilfongSGCpostslouiselelouxThe_KJMPauline06081815
    • 234
    • RETWEETS
    The_KJMPauline06081815stacey_valdezDerek_at_Home__lrpwinsmitch_yoWarriorFreckledtjthrem
    drunkNnaughty
  • GuyAdvisor
      GuyAdvisor @GuyAdvisor

    If your wife/girlfriend asks if there's anyone in the world you'd leave her for, she means actress or model, not a co-worker or her sister

    • 418
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerGirltoMomthereverendcinkRowdyBergerGingerVonPaigeSam_stone31Jayneymoo2uesdaysgone
    • 118
    • RETWEETS
    Jenny4ashleyChahta_IshkiMickSnarkded_squirrelSquareDirtTheHalalSlut______The_Mentalystsgtpd75
    supastar04________
  • GuyAdvisor
      GuyAdvisor @GuyAdvisor

    TWITTER AVI GUIDE:

    Head Shot: Funny.
    Mirror: Easy.
    Animal: Fugly.
    Skyline: Not funny.
    Cleavage: Boobies.
    Drawn smoking a pipe: Huge penis

    • 359
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerthereverendcinkRowdyBergeryoursfortonightJerryThomasImaFlyontheWallarcaduhthis503girl______
    • 136
    • RETWEETS
    ImaFlyontheWallstacey_valdezGingerVonPaigeJenny4ashleymeggymae3__straitcashflowInkedLestrangetat2skatermom
  • GuyAdvisor
      GuyAdvisor @GuyAdvisor

    Women with an insatiable sexual appetite are labeled "Nymphomaniacs." Males with the same affliction are called "Men"

    • 338
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerGirltoMomthereverendcinkRowdyBergerSam_stone31Jayneymoodoompencilsuralsteve
    • 116
    • RETWEETS
    uralsteveryerywtrjrthytr__Jenny4ashleydeviloFDayPoodasBrainblackvelvetlace__niixieFUNNAGAN
    Iscof
  • GuyAdvisor
      GuyAdvisor @GuyAdvisor

    To all the girls I've loved before:

    Penicillin

    • 362
    • FAVS
    FunniestEverbotandythereverendcinkRowdyBergerImaFlyontheWallSam_stone31Jayneymooenigmaticmess
    • 77
    • RETWEETS
    PeterClayton6FunniestEverRowdyBergerJenny4ashleyI_Mee_Myself_VenusManTrap22franzcaprasuziqkelley
    PetrF2____________
  • GuyAdvisor
      GuyAdvisor @GuyAdvisor

    Hey, Kids! What do you get when you choke a prostitute?

    An erection.

    • 311
    • FAVS
    thereverendcinkRowdyBergerNotawhinerImaFlyontheWallGingerVonPaigeSam_stone31Jayneymoo2uesdaysgone
    • 76
    • RETWEETS
    RowdyBergerImaFlyontheWallLVCIFERJenny4ashleyFREDWESTCOUNTRY_watermxlonsatanicpuss_NightProwler_
    kevnastoYouFuckingWon
  • GuyAdvisor
      GuyAdvisor @GuyAdvisor

    Hey, Kids! If you need to borrow my phone to call your mom, just hit redial.

    • 308
    • FAVS
    botandythereverendcink2ndCitySaintRowdyBergerSam_stone31Jayneymoo2uesdaysgoneprofessor_eks
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    jmac457RowdyBergerdedubleyu________Jenny4ashleyCreepyMcCreepr____ExploringUrMind__kaitangusCalvinKilo______
    ford414__________
  • GuyAdvisor
      GuyAdvisor @GuyAdvisor

    I've created the ultimate babe: 2 vaginas, 4 boobs, and 2 mouths for double oral. Okay, so I duct taped 2 hookers together, but it's awesome

    • 293
    • FAVS
    thereverendcinkImaFlyontheWallGingerVonPaigeSam_stone31Jayneymoo2uesdaysgoneGoodRevDuke______professor_eks
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    professor_eksJenny4ashleysgtpd75CalvinKilo______chapmanj100SaraESpiveysiburke939TheBigBatman______
@GuyAdvisor

@GuyAdvisor

I'm shocking like Stephen Hawking, got a pair like Voltaire. Consider me your personal advisor. Come along with me and live life like a true guy's guy.