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The last time San Antonio had such a disappointing evening it was at The Alamo.
I bet at one point Kanye suggested a name that didn't start with a K and then they just laughed and laughed and laughed.
Congrats to Kim and Kanye on the birth of their fucked up nightmare of a child.
It's a good thing Robin Thicke is so handsome because grown men who think 'hug me' rhymes with 'fuck me' usually don't get too far in life.
Rupert Murdoch is getting divorced for the 3rd time. FOX News would cover it, but they are too busy shouting about how gays ruin marriage.
If you honk the second the light turns green, how grateful are you that Hitler prevents you from being the worst person in history?
Dear Timmy, I'm sorry I told you Red Bull would give you wings. I was speaking metaphorically. I will never forget you. Love, Dad.
It's 'grammar' you fucking imbecile. RT @menshumor When a grammer nazi has misspellings in their own bio http://pictwtter.co/19WeB4D
I went to one of Prodigal Sam's sermons. It was basically all stolen from the Bible.
America: The Purge is such an interesting concept!
Detroit: People are paying to see this?
If you get caught picking your nose, quickly shove the booger up the other person's nose and then when they pick it out, they're the weirdo.
A good way to get out of a speeding ticket is to confess to a murder.
Yeah, I get it, people in New Orleans drink a lot. Congrats. pic.twitter.com/HdFbKZQA22
A good way to make someone's day better, but year worse, is to take a parking ticket off their car.
Will Smith: It's set 1,000 years in the future when Jaden and I return to save Earth.
Exec: Great, audiences love sci-fi.
Will Smith: Huh?
.@realdonaldtrump Psych! I hate you! You are a bloated barf bag stuffed with shit and you stole your butt from a walrus.
The Millers, CBS
