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I nicknamed my girls G-spot #osama. It took me almost ten years to find but when I did... #killedit
That awkward moment when my doctor is checking my balls during a physical and I run my fingers through his hair.
There's a special place in Hell for #anyonethatreplieswithk in a text message!
One in three women around the world have been beaten, or sexually abused. RT if you love bacon.
Kim Kardashian has banged so many black guys she can't eat a Butterfinger without getting wet.
If you've ever got bullied in school don't blame the bully, blame your dad. He's the one who raised you like a bitch.
If your tweets don't offend people, you tweet like a little bitch.
Twitter is the only place where I don't get paranoid when a black guy follows me.
I named my penis Attention, because we all know how much women love fucking attention.
Facebook Skype: now married people can cheat via Skype while watering their crops on FarmVille.
Every time I hear someone say YOLO I punch them in the fucking face. You know why? Because you only live once.
If I've offended you, I'm very very sorry that you're a pussy with no sense of humor.
If you're happy and you know it... stay the fuck away from me 'cause I'll punch you in the goddamn throat.
RT this if you're a bad motherfucker.
If you're having Ginger problems I feel bad for you son, you got 99 problems but a soul ain't one.
They say death comes in three's; 1. Steve Jobs 2. Al Davis. Let's all pray that a Kardashian is next and not someone we actually like.
Whenever you're feeling sad masturbate, because every sad story deserves a happy ending.
Guys: if you open a cold beer and it becomes warm before you finish it. You drink like a bitch. #ManRule
I'm not racist against black people, but I am racist against white people who act black.