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In medieval times... chainmail was a blacksmith's way of knitting a sweater and still being manly.
I'm a stalker that respects your privacy.
You know you've found the perfect ringtone when you let it go to voicemail so you can hear the whole thing.
For stoners, paranoia is the only line of defense against accidental death.
Why haven't they come out with lasagna cat food yet?
I've been awake for 40 hours and now I have a headache for some reason.
A drunk McDonalds customer ordered a double quarter meal and a 60 nugget for himself. He tried to add another 20 nuggets. But I cut him off.
Why hasn't Coca-Cola done Coke with coffee? It would be double caffeine! *drinks some Coke with coffee* "Oh... that's why." *vomits*
Betty Boop has a far less attractive sister... Betty Poop.
I asked a manager for water to put out a fire in the lobby. I got a blank stare then he says "Hot water?" so I got it myself. Saved the day.
Only Disney could get away with selling merchandise covered in Pooh.
I was changing channels. First I tried watching Steven Irwin, then Bernie Mac, then Brittany Murphy. Not much fun watching them after death.
A small town in Connecticut is doing the purge for real. The cops have agreed to look the other way for six hours.
Why is it the most famous people on YouTube don't know they're famous, because they can't afford a computer.
When a whip cream can is empty you must whip it. Don't throw it away unless you whip it. Breathe it in. Inhale. Suck it up. Hold it in.
Do bullies have meetings? If one bully has an idea, and doesn't preface it with "I'm just spit balling here..." then I'm done with life.
Voice Actor. DVD Hoarder. Both an 80s and 90s Kid. Property of the McDonald's Corporation and my gf @LanaiHasina