@HalfBadIQ's (Fuddy) most faved Tweets...
My 2yo son & I play a game I call "Vry Polite Gangsters". He repeatedly hits me w/ a soft bat & evry time I fall down he asks "Are you ok?".
Here's something I just learned: if you want to blow crumbs out of your keyboard, it helps if you're not chewing on biscuits at the time.
15
I had a bizarre dream last nite. My subconscious replayed me bits of Police Academy. On a scale of I to VII, I'd say it was a II.
12
Lying in our hotel bed trying to sleep. Trying even harder not to think about CSI & what they find in every damn hotel bed they investigate.
9
Swung outta bed this morn & accidently kicked my 2yo boy in the face. Told him it was his fault. It's good to be the king.
9
Alone in my hotel room, sitting on the pot watching a horror movie thru the open door. I am very conveniently shitting myself.
8
Great. My internet connection has stopped working. Sooooo... things are back to they were for the first 21 years of my life.
7
Nicknames I’ve had: Fitsy, Ikky Ikky Shake, Dick Balls, Baby, Fadday, The Porn, Fuddy Duddy. Nicknames I’ve wanted: anything but the above.
7
The next slasher flick should feature a deadly bloodthirsty mullet as villain. That way when it refuses to die it'll at least be believable.
7
Dear @TinyJesus, don't you think it's time to update the Bible & replace all mentions of "O heavenly Father" with "OMG"?
6
Lunch with the missus. Lady opposite us has the hairiest arms ever. As the wife put it, like a golden retriever in a black dress.
6
Sent my buddy from college a happy birthday message without using any crude nicknames or swear words. I'm officially old now.
6
There must be something wrong with me. I've been watching the new season of Lost and everything makes sense.
5
I have TWO Chuck Norrises following me. Sad to say, but this is prob the most badass thing that's ever happened to me.
5
We're on holiday with both kids for the first so we're playing it real safe: a one night stay with FIVE pieces of luggage.
5
Shopping in a hardware store is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Entering one makes guys feel more manly, shopping makes girls giddy & excited.
5
#ThanksToHollywood I believe that all Russian men are evil do-ers called Milosh. And none of them speak English fluently.
5
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