Seuss books that didnt catch on : Fox in Detox, Who Shat in the Hat?, One bitch Two bitch Dead Bitch, Blue Bitch.

Just bought 2 Jack and Cokes on my flight. If that doesn't shut that kid up...nothing will!!!!

You know what Michael Jackson would be doing if he were alive right now? Scratching his coffin..

Taco Bell: Destroying public restrooms one afternoon at a time.

Jewish dilemma: free ham

Thanksgiving at my house is like having a bunch of Charlie Sheens! Everyone is grabbing breasts.

Behind every good drunk bitch, is a man willing to fuck her. #themoreyouknow
Sounds like mrstanwinters personal motto!

Black History Month T-Shirts (made with 100%cotton) #inapropriatemerchandise

Just scored a Rolex from these lesbians. It seems they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch"

Dollar store energy drinks and beef jerkey will make you feel like a borrowed mule.

A man's phone is like a woman's purse, you don't go through it....

I'm sweatin like Mike Tyson at a spelling bee! Damn it's hot today.

Mixed emotions: when your girlfriend tells you that your dick is bigger than all your friends.

To my new followers: Let's share, You'll take the grenade, I'll take the pin.

Hangovers only happen when you stop drinking. Don't be a quitter!

Business idea: 2 lesbians open an alchohol distribution company.. "Twin Liquors"

Aldich set the shot block record at Kansas with over 100 this year..hell, I have been cock-blocked more than that in a night!

Dead owls don't give a "hoot"!

Watchin MJFox shake on TV makes me wanna grab my dirty shirts and throw him in the tub w some soap!!

Here's a story, of a man named Hanzy. He was living in LV on his own. He spent his money on a refugee, someone to hump his bone...