MAN UNITED...sounds like a theme for a gay seminar

Gave up on job hunting
today. New strategy - wait for
awesome job to find me.

every time i see my neighbour's kids or enter a hospital i get this strong urge to have a vasectomy

1. Go to
Google.
2. Search "Top 50 Women
on
the Web".
3. Click the first link.
4. Go to number 7.
5. Laugh.

Either the hot girl next door and I have an eerie number of things in common or one of us is lying!

Twitter is best used as an interactive community. It's more fun that way. If you think you're better than your followers,
you're wrong.

i like my women like i like organic
chemistry:
Bonded and in chains

i buy women expensive shoes, and they use them to walk away from me

I really have to learn to lower my expectations of other people. As much as this world revolves around me I have to pretend it doesn't.

Turns out
postman is an anagram of
tampons. Which explains red
letter days.

I'm still trying to
figure out why Twitter thinks I
should follow Justin Bieber

I like my women like I like my coffee:
provided by my job for free.

Sometimes I
really hate being alone with my
thoughts... Especially when it involves the internet

The worst thing about long meetings?
Holding in farts.

This morning I answered the door in my pajamas. I don't even know why I've got a door in my pajamas......

Iron Man is actually a Fe male!

Just broke the golden rule "never volunteer for anything, ever".

My Twitter is really just another platform to lash out at and abuse an uncaring world after a lousy day.

NEWS:Osama killed in a grenade incident..unidentified remains found near his body is believed to be his lover
P.S Bruno Mars also missing

Justin & Beliebers
Gaga & Monsters
Demi & Lovatics
Miley & Smilers
Taylor & Swifties
these moments makes you wish the world had ended