@Havenwar's (Cederic Havenwar) most faved Tweets...
As fun as it may be for you, shaking my balls like a set of maracas is not the best way to get me excited.
7
Some people sing in the shower. I let my hair down over my face and make squeaky sounds, pretending to be cousin It.
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Considering how vast nature is, it's really surprising that nasal sex only occurs in one species: the amazon river dolphin.
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@SlappNuttz We're not technically listening to you, we're laughing at you. Much like your wife and kids.
3
Oh, I'm sorry, I see the confusion. I didn't say I hit ON women... that's way earlier in the evening.
3
W: "Very comfortable. But a bit weird at first, because it was so little." Me: "That's what she said."
2
I don't know what they got more upset about: Calling them a puppy farm, or asking for the price per kilo.
2
From the stream of excited live-tweets I get the feeling I managed to yet again narrowly escape exposure to some sort of pop-culture event.
2
You might call them doilies, but if you ever buy some I'll call them pasties, and that's all I will be wearing when you bring friends over.
2
I wake my wife up in the morning so she won't have to wake to the alarm. Which is nice. Except my snooze button is starting to get tender.
2
Dead hooker jokes are really overdone. These dead hooker burgers on the other hand, are perfectly cooked! Om nom nom.
2
I'm not sure if it is sad or awesome that chatting with a Panda is not the weirdest thing to ever happen to me. Nor the most unbelievable.
1
"Might be dead" the note said. From the volume of the snoring I'm going to guess "might be drunk". I'll play some Rammstein and we'll see.
1
Apparently I made my wife spell jews wrong on the shopping list. Looks right to me. She's just being weird.
1
A unitard is what happens when two retards get to close to each other. In a process of reversed osmosis they meld into one, awesome, retard.
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