The walk of "We cant have sex but it's too late to leave your apt so we have to lay here for 6 more hours" may be the most shameful of all

Someone gets to bang Cillian Murphy on a regular basis. What burning orphange/ puppy pound did she rescue in a past life? Was it Christmas?

Sorry Gays, Mitt Romney doesn't want you guys to get married :(. But he's Mormon, so my plans to be Wife #2 are looking pretty good :)

I'm only sleeping with DJs from this day forward. Get your life together!! Xoxox

Call me a lesbian because my boo is a vagina and I LOVE IT!! "@matdevineslife: just made a wish on an eye lash"

Have a party on Saturday, so I'm going to the gym. Let's see what 20+ years of neglect can be undone by 30 minutes of moderate treadmill use

"Are you Jewish? You look Jewish." I never know how to answer that. "I'm not, but I can tell you'd like me better if I were. So. Sorry?"

Wow. Davey Havok just said fisting and kids in the same sentence. Apparently a book is involved?

Of course @luisdortiz loves his mother! She was his first apartment ;)

Happy Mother's Day brought to you by my coffee addiction and horrendous manners.  http://youtu.be/vzl0BuqjLJ0 

I need glow paint, a strobe light and a date. “@ruskoofficial: @milliondan & Rusko back together pon da fire beats!  https://vine.co/v/b0mPLjw3ral ”

@luisdortiz seriously. So fucking inspiring. This is the first day of the rest of your new life

@natirabinowitz wee!! Congrats!!

All my soulmates are psychopaths.

I'm about to burst into tears over an episode of futurama where Fry's dog, Seymour died waiting for him.

1) she's in great shape 2) whatever she's making looks impressive 3) don't do meth  http://youtu.be/3oX7K2DXMbo 

"Everything I've ever let go of has claw marks on it." That might be the best thing I've ever read in the midst of a throw away society.

1am realization: I like guys that are smart; but not too smart ie if you realized that was a misuse of a semicolon you're part of the latter

Can't believe I'm missing Michael Cera and Kieran Culkin. I wanna be the middle bread in that dork club sandwich

@whosim4 @therealshephard Lil Wayne mocked a kid who was lynched and brutally murdered. This guy TWEETED about a drug addict who's fine.