@zen_moments @damienechols Poop on a police car! Make sweet love to a Jack O' Lantern!

@thomaslennon That Joke About Jamaica Isn't Funny Anymore #holdsmithy

@neilhamburger Did you have the luftwaffles or the Third Rice?

“@elibraden: RT @miketyson: The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work”/What about his tweet?

@kevymetalworld Edie Brickell L. Cool J #AwfulSuperGroups

@pissrifle yes, for daily show, Colbert, office, parks & rec, we don't have cable.

@damienechols New York is crowded with ghosts; Salem, they have more space, are lonelier, more...New England. I'm provincial, ghost-wise.

@kevymetalworld Let's form Maroon 6 and make it actually be good.

@fun_beard Eerily similar to the Wendy's ketchup incident I experienced today. A disturbing condiment/icing trend is afoot.

“@croninwhocares: Wish plants had hopes and dreams. Then I could look at one and encouragingly say, "Yearn, fern."” /strive, chive

@kevymetalworld http://t.co/V2abkDUP We disliked the amateur looking cover of the new Bob Dylan album. So we came up with alternatives.

@kevymetalworld Note: on the lyric sheet the 'r' was backwards. NEVER FORGET.

@elibraden Blink 182 + U2 = Bluink 184 (and terrible music).

@elibraden “@alecbaldwin: How is Eli doing?” Well?

@ebertchicago More with the politics! Thank you for ALL your writing.

@trumpetcake watched that ep last night! Weird!

“@_theguy_: Of course she's gone but not forgotten. She died two days ago!” / They must mean the career.

@thenuzzy Then war IS the answer! Take THAT, bumper stickers!

“@thenuzzy: I think I ate some bad pig meat. Somebody call a hambulance!” / He's faking. Call the shambulance.

“@elibraden: I just flew in from Bangkok and boy are my arms Thai-erd” / You had me at "I just flew in from Bangkok and boy"