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Been diagnosed with OC/DC. It's like OCD except it fucking rocks.
DVD Piracy warnings in London are gonna have to change, because evidently most people in london would steal a car and a television.
How to scare burglars off....
First put pictures on the wall of you with a tiger.
Second put a cat litter box in your hall and shit in it.
Spilling a full beer you paid for is the adult equivalent of letting go of a balloon.
I like to thank the person who looked at a Bee-hive and thought: "Those fucking bastards are hiding something delicious in there I know it!"
What the fuck were moths doing, before humans invented lights?
When I see names carved into a tree I don't think it's cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
Don't worry if you don't have a lot of followers Jesus only had 12 and look at the shit that caused!
I wished Winnie the pooh just once said…… "TIGGER PLEASE!"
America has banned Batman costumes at screenings of the film…
Remember It's not assault rifles that kill people it's batman costumes.
Doorbell Repair Man.
The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
I'm in a band called Missing Dog, you might have seen our flyers.
Video Piracy warning say's "You wouldn't steal a car or money would to you!?" I would if I could fucking download it.
If roller coaster designers want to make more terrifying rides, they should just drop handfuls of nuts an bolts inside roller coasters.
Its gonna be annoying if we find out the first slice of bread in the bag has been the cure for cancer the whole fucking time!
No one likes to think of their mother having sex. But to start a entire religion based on the idea that she never did...
No one says "FUCK!" quite like a blind man who has just read braille that says.... Wet paint.
The generation of today are so allergic to everything future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
I just do shit jokes and sometimes try to draw pretty pictures.