Sometimes I like to say things that make sense, and just watch the look on all your avatars.

People forget to fuck off sometimes.

"Let's watch TV and talk about it on the Internet."

I'm fond of black t-shirts and long walks in my bedroom.

When I was a kid, people who started sentences this way were old.

If I ever want a popular tweet, I just say something absolutely idiotic.

10 Fingers You Absolutely Must Stick Inside Your Butt

My phone just tried to change "shitstorm" into "history". Touché, Skynet.

Apparently there are people that take this shit seriously.

In a perfect world, no sentence would begin this way.

You fucking white people.

Making only the best in poor decisions.

How many nihilists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn't.

You people have no shame. Which is fine.

Try to find something new to be depressed about each day.

If you don't have anything nice to say, say it.

There has got to be nothing worse than comedians on Twitter.

One day bleeds into another, the effect multiplied by midnight mornings.

Quick, everyone make the same joke!

Doing reverse kegels.